The Hostess Stand

 As I have written about here in Cyrsti’s Condo, last night was the monthly Thursday social hosted by the transgender – cross dresser group I am part of here in Cincinnati. 

For once, since Liz had to work, I was able to arrive early. Ironically, I walked into a chaotic hot mess. The poor hostess had some sort of a vague idea of a reservation but couldn’t come up with who made it and for how many.

Seemingly as she was frozen in in decision, I simply turned around a grabbed a seat at the bar next to several other of the attendees. I was good. The beer was cold and the conversation was light. 

Sooner more than later, the organizers arrived and attempted to dispel the confusion. Order was restored and we ended up waiting a bit longer for a couple of tables to open up. 

I’m sure for many of the people who were there, the whole delay was no problem because of the “special occasion” of being cross dressed in their feminine best. For the rest of us, we were doing our best to enjoy the company. As I said, the beer was cold, the conversation was light and the food was good. The venue even treated us to several free appetizers.  The best part was outside of one person, no one acted like an idiot. It was her 79th birthday and I guess one way or another she was going to try to be the center of attention. 

My only problem was my back. After and hour or so, I become very uncomfortable. 

There were pictures taken, if any are worthwhile, I will pass them along.   

Another Social

 As I perhaps have pointed out, there is another “social” scheduled for Thursday night in one of the local seafood restaurants. The event is hosted by the transgender – cross dresser group I am part of. The group also has support group meetings which are still virtual and I have not attended recently. 

So far it looks as if I will be attending by myself as Liz most likely will have to work over. 

I am looking forward to getting out of the house again and casually dressing up as I have dinner. I am slightly different than more than a few of the others because I don’t have to go all out to impress anyone in the group. I am planning to wear my favorite form fitting patterned tank top along with a pair of my khaki culottes and black flats. I am going to pull my hair back into a flowing mane and wear a pair of dangling ear-rings to get about as dressed up as I get. As  much as I don’t really care about the group, I do care about how the public perceives me.

The venue is slightly upscale so I feel, I  should be too. 

The picture is not what I am wearing but does show approximately how far hormone replacement therapy has changed me. Back then the hair was a wig and the rest was padding.  Now it is all me.

Cha-Changes?

Recently, I mentioned briefly about finally getting my application to the “Transgender Writer’s Association” approved. The hold up was the email mix up between my CyrstiH@Yahoo.com  old email and my newer Jessie751 email which is under my legal name. One it was resolved and they figured out I was a real person, the application went through. 

Then I found I wasn’t finished. There is a sight called “Slack” which asked me to join too.  Turns out it is also a group of transgender orientated writers asking for input. 

Also, Google has announced it is doing away with it’s “Feedburner” subscription service. Not to worry I guess because I received an email yesterday from a new service seeking to add all of Googles’ former customers.

Of course it turns out there are extra steps I need to take also to make sure it happens correctly.

I am sooooo confused!  

Pride Picture with Liz two years ago.

Transgender MMA Fighter

Retried MMA fighter is a veteran of the Navy and is from Toledo, Ohio.  

Now, Fallon Fox cannot wait to share her story with the world.

Fox, the first openly transgender mixed martial arts fighter, is working with Mark Gordon Pictures on a new biopic based on her career and life. Eight years after coming out publicly, Fox will now get a dramatized retelling of a story that dominated the sports world.

“It feels amazing. I feel like my story is finally going to get out there in a big way,” Fox told ET Canada. “I’m not sure how it’s going to run. Maybe it’s going to be informative, but it’s going to be entertaining and people are going to get a lot out of it.

With all the discord going on in the country concerning transgender athletes, her story is definitely timely.  

Finally

 Yesterday was finally my first day out supposedly under “normal” conditions in other words, going to my oldest grandson’s graduation party.

Unfortunately,  Liz wasn’t feeling well, so I made the nearly three hour round trip alone. 

Once I arrived,  my greeting was warm and inviting, even driving my daughter to tears. Other than that, not much else had changed. Her father in law ignored me when he wasn’t busy glaring at me. The grandkids were all nice including my rainbowed hair granddaughter  who is on summer break from The Ohio State University. My son in law was pleasant but detached as always and his sister along with brother in law were busily getting drunk. (Sounds like a Christmas family dinner, right?}

Ironically, a year and half from the last time I saw everyone, very little had changed. Also my ex wife who is also the mother of my daughter was there along with her husband who recently suffered another stroke. 

What I enjoy most is the acceptance I receive from the overwhelming majority of the group. As I was coming out and entering the feminine world, their backing was invaluable.  I had years of toxic male behavior to make up for. 

Of course I dressed to blend. I wore my “Memorial Day” stars and stripes smock top with a pair of leggings and tennis shoes. 

The best part of the whole day was my daughter and I pledged to set up a girls breakfast get together with her, my grand daughter, Liz and I. She has time off coming from her job soon to make it happen.

When Nature Calls

Amanda not so long ago wrote into my email describing a few of her experiences using the women’s room when nature calls and she has to simply go to the bathroom.

She also asked for some of my experiences. First of all, I haven’t used a man’s restroom for over a decade now but my introduction into using the women’s room wasn’t an easy one. I have written before when I had the police called on me several times when all I was trying to do was relieve myself of excess beer. 

Looking back, realistically, I brought on most of the problems I had upon myself.  As I explored the feminine world in the early days, primarily I fell victim to ill fitting wigs which were poor fashion choices. Until I was able to grow my own hair, was I able to present more effectively as a woman. Which in turn enabled me to have my own female rest room “pass”. No pun intended.

Other factors which helped me immensely were how I viewed and adapted myself to the new rest room etiquette I was being exposed to. I made sure I was neat and tidy as I took care of essential business even to the point of trying to duplicate the sound of women peeing in the toilet bowl as close as I could. Plus, just to make sure I was prepared years ago, I always carried a feminine hygiene product in my purse in case anyone asked to try me. 

The rest was relatively easy.  I had to learn to adjust my urges to the normally longer lines to the women’s restrooms. Plus I had to learn to make eye contact and not be afraid to converse with other women in line. 

Finally, I had to make sure I quickly checked my hair and makeup as I always washed my hands and quickly (or efficiently) left and returned to my seat. To this day though, I still retain the scars of my early experiences in the rest rooms. I always check to see if anyone is going out of their way to stare at me or even glare. 

I must say though, along the way, similar to the rest of the transgender journey I have chosen, I have been exposed to a number of humorous or even surprising rest room experiences. The most interesting one was at a Cincinnati Pride

Picture from Cincinnati Pride

event a couple summers ago when one of the few free standing restrooms available was half closed due to a hornet infestation.  All the men were forced to use the women’s room and the response was comical and classic as toilet paper was passed along the line. The most surprising experience I ever had was when I was at a concert one night and was waiting in the woman’s room line. Once I finally made it close enough to the room itself, I observed a woman swinging from one of the stalls trying to break the lock off the door. My ideas of women respecting their restroom more than men was forever shattered. 

Overall, I think attitudes over restroom usage have definitely lightened up. Plus the number of gender neutral restrooms have increased.

Thanks Amanda for the question. 

Hey Lady!

 Yesterday was my time to head north to the VA blood laboratory to have my bloodwork completed. I prefer to go on Saturdays for a couple of reasons. The main reason is I can talk my partner Liz into going with me and the second is there are very few other veterans there on Saturdays. 

When we arrived, per norm, Liz had to use the women’s room after the rather lengthy trip from Cincinnati to Dayton, Ohio. I didn’t have to go, so I stayed behind and simply leaned against the nearest wall.  Very soon, a lone figure in a wheel chair approached.  Due to my past experiences at the VA, I have a tendency to not speak to others until I am spoken to.  Yesterday was one of those days I was spoken to first. 

The amputee in the wheel chair looked at me and said loudly “Lady take a seat.” He then pointed to a group of unused wheel chair type devices next to me. I tried to politely decline several times until he finally left me alone. What seemed like an eternity, Liz finally returned and we headed for the laboratory. 

Predictably, I was second in line to be jabbed. And, jabbed I was over and over again since I had three doctors asking for blood samples. The most important one is the sample which checks my iron levels. If they are too high, I have to go to hematology for a phlebotomy which means the vampires extract a pint of blood. Second in importance is my endo hormone blood results. The levels determine  if and when my HRT meds stay the same or are increased, potentially. Finally, the third test goes to my med doc to determine if my other meds blood levels are correct. Seven vials of blood later, I was done and we were heading home. 

As we left the medical center, my new found acquaintance looked at me and didn’t say anything. I thought at the least, he didn’t mis-gender me. 

The trip home was uneventful.

On an unrelated topic, I found this picture of one of my earliest transgender girlfriends along with a mutual friend down in Dallas:

Security

Over the years here in Cyrsti’s Condo I have tried to make it a point to write about our security when we leave the comfort of male privilege and attempt the gender journey into the feminine world. I found out the hard way it is something to be taken very seriously. 

Older Redhaired Photo from Trans Ohio

As I have written before, my first real foray into possible feminine violence came at a party my deceased wife and I went to years ago in nearby Columbus, Ohio. For the evening, against my wife’s wishes, I wore a very short mini dress to the party. As much as I hated to admit it later, she was right. It turns out I was cornered in a hallway by a much bigger crossdresser “admirer”. It seemed to me before I knew it he had me stuck in a physical situation I couldn’t extract myself from. About the time he was seemingly going in for the kill, my wife appeared and diffused the situation. That was the good news, the bad news was she wouldn’t let me live it down my skirt was too short. This was many years ago. Way before the “me too” movement and other causes which focused on how women still shouldn’t suffer sexual abuse no matter what we wear. 

The bottom line for me was the realization all of a sudden I could be overcome by a bigger person and forced into a compromising sexual situation.

The second lesson I learned  could have involved more physical violence.  It was late one night on a downtown urban street in Dayton, Ohio. I was by myself leaving a gay venue when I was approached by two men. To make another long story short, I ended up being cornered again and was able to defuse the situation by giving them my last five dollars. Lesson learned, the next time I was there, I asked for a trans guy I knew if he would walk me to my car. Which he did. 

I learned the hard way why cis women live their lives living with a totally different awareness than men. It goes way past walking past the leering stares of men in a construction project to the prospect of losing so much more of your personal security.

It’s one of the most important aspects as you transition into a feminine world. 
     

Need a Date?

Unfortunately, too many transgender women are very lonely and can’t find any stable social contacts. Either with women or men. Back in the day, I went through the same dilemma. At the same time I was going out to venues to seemingly entertain myself, I searched many on line dating sites at the same time. Needless to say, I sifted through a lot of trash until my partner Liz found me. What I mean is, she answered my ad on the Zoosk dating site. That was nearly nine years ago and we have been together ever since. Perhaps I was fortunate in that I was fairly unsure about where my sexuality would take me, so I could double my search to both men and women. 

Back then, there weren’t any real dating sites which dealt with transgender women and men. Most all were fetish sites mostly populated by male admirers of trans women. I had the misfortune in my dealings with admirers. One corned me in a hallway once during a party and one wanted to just wear my panties. I won’t even mention the number of times I was stood up or “ghosted” by men.

Today though, a new transgender dating site has been announced which promises to be different.  I don’t like the name but here is the info:

TransFable, a brand-new dating app for men and transgender women, is set to take over the digital world of transgender dating this year. The first transgender dating app of its kind, TransFable offers users a safe and secure platform to meet their match, where transgender women can connect with genuine men for free.

TransFable stands apart from its competitors as a transgender dating app specifically designed for those seeking serious and genuine relationships. It can be a challenge for both men and transgender women to meaningfully connect with one another and TransFable offers the perfect place to do so. Indeed, if you are looking for a hook-up, this is probably not the transgender dating app for you. However, if you are serious about finding a genuine match, then TransFable is the transgender dating app to be on in 2021.

All users on TransFable are manually verified by a human so you can be rest assured that you will not match with any bots or fake profiles. “

Retribution

Well, yesterday turned out to be quite the day. My first trip to the dentist came and went, along with a trip to the phone store to replace my cell phone which did not survive a toilet swim. Outside of the obvious necessities, the day seemed like a “re-coming ” out day for my fulltime transgender feminine self.

The dentist was first. As I mentioned before, the information form I filled out only had room for three genders…male, female and “unspecified.” I chose the unspecified box and prepared myself for an appointment full of gender confusion. After all, this was one of a very few times in the past year I had spent any significant time without a mask. As bad as my teeth were, I didn’t want to show them off which was impossible in a dentist’s office. 

It turned out I didn’t have to worry when I heard the woman who checked me in respond to the hygienist who was working on me as “she.” My heart soared as my mouth hurt. 

To make a long story short, as I suspected, my top teeth (or what was left of them) were shot and my bottom teeth were in good shape. So, I was a candidate for top dentures. Subtitled,  goodbye stimulus checks. Finally, I will have my smile back.

After heading back home to pick Liz up, we went to the phone store. The young clerk who waited on us had no problem with calling me she and her. After another hit to my bank account, I walked out with a new phone. 

The whole day was wonderful in that it recharged my gender batteries. For once I didn’t feel any inner imposter guilt when I was called “she” or “her.” I felt it was my retribution for all the years of transgender struggle and gender dysphoria I went through to arrive where I am. 

One thing the pandemic taught me was how much I needed the public gender feedback I received to survive. I know who I am every morning when I wake up but sometimes it takes a little reinforcement from the public to let me know the real me.