Since we have been focusing on the past here in Cyrsti’s Condo, now lets take a look at something which may benefit you in the future:
“Don’t believe in luck. Believe in destiny. Put yourself in the best place for it to find you!”
Last night, as I always do, I stopped for a cup of my fave coffee on my way to the transgender support group meeting. The manager has been there since I started to go in.
He is always nice enough to make small talk with me and ask about how my weekend was. Amazingly enough last night, he said isn’t it about time for you (me) to head up to Columbus, Ohio for our party weekend. Otherwise known as our Trans Ohio Symposium Weekend. I told him yes, it is coming up this weekend and I was amazed at his memory.
Somewhere along the way I must have made an impact with my barista!
Speaking of impacts, Leann wrote concerning my Easter Sunday/Mike Pence post here in Cyrsti’s Condo:
“I did have a very holy Easter, thank you. Many so called Christians (and those like the woman who said Pence came from a good Christian family) are unwilling to acknowledge is that simply not violating the ten commandments in public does not make one a good Christian. Loving one’s neighbor unconditionally is also required of a Christian. Pence and his ilk do not appear to be following this precept. Jesus tells us to love thy neighbor as thyself as part of the Great Commandment. This seems to be lost on far too many who claim to be following Christ. For these we should all pray for their conversion to true Christianity.”
Thank you Leann, well put!
This post could be mistaken for an Easter Sunday religious sermon but it is far from that.
To start with, I am a highly spiritual but Buddhist/Wiccan leaning person. I believe in what Jesus Christ stood for and taught but see too many evangelical hypocrites talking out of both sides of their face concerning transgender issues. That is, if you are lucky.
Take last night for example. Our cross dressing “friend” was told the Mike Pence banana joke. Through a grimace/smile she managed to blurt out what a great guy Pence was (claims she knows him since both are both from Indiana) and came from a “good Christian family.” I about threw up in my throat which was not a good feeling before dinner.
Backtracking a bit, the cross dresser did show up in all his feminine finery, along with his two delightful college age daughters. It’s my fault but I did not pursue what could have been a very ugly pre-dinner conversation about current politics in our country. I realize of course, the cross dresser doesn’t really have any serious “stakes” in the LGBT game. Since he never served his country, he doesn’t have any knowledge of the torment caused by the Trump/Pence supported transgender military ban. Plus wouldn’t coming from a “good Christian family” mean Pence would be more understanding? For sure, Trump is the furthest example of an anti-Christian we have ever seen in office.
OK, enough of my rant. As I said, it s my fault for letting him off the hook last night.
Finally, I hope all you devout Christians’ are able to enjoy Easter Sunday for all the day brings to you!
Yesterday as I mentioned before here in Cyrsti’s Condo, was my monthly visit to my therapist. The session went as expected with extra emphasis on Veteran’s Administration mandated surveys they are over prone on occasion to give out. The surveys basically delved into potential depression and it’s results.
We also went into the Trans Ohio Symposium information I recently received and I am scheduled to present one of the first workshops on Saturday morning. I laughed I would potentially still be hung over from the attendee mixer the night before which we always attend at Columbus, Ohio’s Club Diversity. Liz and I always safely Uber about the city on our pre-destined trips to alcoholic venues.
My therapist and I also talked about my trip to visit my vacant property in Springfield to pick up any litter as needed. It turns out no upkeep was needed.
As it turned out, when I checked out comments to the blog this morning, Connie had a different idea of the visit:
“Maybe I can save you a trip to the therapist (or give you something to talk to the therapist about). Have you considered that the littered vacant lot could represent your past – experiences you lived, but now wish would just go away?
I think, when we transition, we may be anxious to be rid of the male persona in favor of a new totally-feminine existence. All of our past experiences culminate into who we are, though. In the (long) process of transitioning, I believe that it’s impossible to vacate our pasts, but we do begin to view them from a different perspective. Although there may be much that litters our past, the important things, like close personal relationships, can’t be ignored.
Today is my first daughter’s 40th birthday (how can that be, when I am still in my 40’s?). 🙂 I have been reminiscing about her this morning, and, although I wouldn’t ever want to forget anything about her, there are some not-so-great things that litter my memories – the time when she was about eleven, and accidentally caught me cross dressed, being one of the most regrettable. We can’t erase anything, but we can pick up the pieces and try to put them into a new perspective.
There are plenty of other things from my past – good and bad – that I will never forget, but I certainly don’t talk about them as I might have years ago. Sitting around with a bunch of guys (even if they are in dresses), trading stories in a one-up-man-ship manner, is just not appealing to me these days. It only ever was because I was so into the overcompensation game of hiding my femininity with demonstrations of hyper-masculinity. Oh, how silly I now see myself to have been!
I often refer to the AA Serenity Prayer, because it seems to sum up my transgender existence:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”
Or, things to do while I happen to be transgender. Mentally, I don’t make the separation much anymore. To me, I am just me, presenting feminine after so many years in gender hell. On occasion though, I will pause and look back on what a long strange trip it has been. I even considered posting my one and only “before” picture with this post but I won’t since it causes me to remember back to so many painful days.
At any rate, we are supposed to have a good Spring weather weekend around here for a change, so it’s time to dig through my wardrobe and pull out a few suitable outfits.
Friday night is the monthly dinner and music social with the cross dressers – transgender group I am a part of. I will have to check the weather but I might be able to get away with just a light sweater with jeans or leggings. I have a powder blue sweater Liz gave me that goes great with leggings and actuates my figure. I may have to break down and wear a bra with it though because it gets a bit “nipply” if you look at me from the wrong angle. I just don’t like to wear bras, preferring a more “natural” feel. The lighting where we go is normally low, so I should be able to wear the outfit without a jacket and do fine.
Saturday (as always} is errand day. We start with Liz’s martial arts class where she just became a recommended black belt and then go to the grocery store. This week though, we have another meeting for the Witches Ball Committee, which should be interesting because the head person quit in protest. So everyone will have to step up and take more responsibility. So far, my deal is being in charge of our Cincinnati Pride table. Not too bad.
Finally Sunday, we hope to get a head start on the yard and work outside. Boring but needed activity.
Since it is our local Cincinnati Transgender Day of Visibility, perhaps it’s time to discuss what visibility really means.
Many would consider me to be really visible since I live full time as a trans woman. Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. When and if I am successful in blending in seamlessly as a woman in society, I am not visible at all. Then, at other times I am in and out of another person’s reality so quickly, I am barely visible to them either. Maybe later they think there maybe have been something a little off kilter with their encounter with me. By that time though, I am long gone from their reality.
How about you though? Can you be visible and still be in your closet? Sure you can. Maybe you bide your time and support silently pro LGBTQ political candidates and laws. Who knows when you will need them? Plus, what about the gender fluid kids who are new in the system, they need our help.
Finally, is the church you go to anti gay and transgender or do you still support businesses such as Chick – Fil – A or Hobby Lobby who are actively involved in erasing our very existence.
You see, there is plenty to do to stay visible even though you may not be in the public’s eye