Last night, as I always do, I stopped for a cup of my fave coffee on my way to the transgender support group meeting. The manager has been there since I started to go in.
He is always nice enough to make small talk with me and ask about how my weekend was. Amazingly enough last night, he said isn’t it about time for you (me) to head up to Columbus, Ohio for our party weekend. Otherwise known as our Trans Ohio Symposium Weekend. I told him yes, it is coming up this weekend and I was amazed at his memory.
Somewhere along the way I must have made an impact with my barista!
“I did have a very holy Easter, thank you. Many so called Christians (and those like the woman who said Pence came from a good Christian family) are unwilling to acknowledge is that simply not violating the ten commandments in public does not make one a good Christian. Loving one’s neighbor unconditionally is also required of a Christian. Pence and his ilk do not appear to be following this precept. Jesus tells us to love thy neighbor as thyself as part of the Great Commandment. This seems to be lost on far too many who claim to be following Christ. For these we should all pray for their conversion to true Christianity.”
This post could be mistaken for an Easter Sunday religious sermon but it is far from that.
To start with, I am a highly spiritual but Buddhist/Wiccan leaning person. I believe in what Jesus Christ stood for and taught but see too many evangelical hypocrites talking out of both sides of their face concerning transgender issues. That is, if you are lucky.
Take last night for example. Our cross dressing “friend” was told the Mike Pence banana joke. Through a grimace/smile she managed to blurt out what a great guy Pence was (claims she knows him since both are both from Indiana) and came from a “good Christian family.” I about threw up in my throat which was not a good feeling before dinner.
Backtracking a bit, the cross dresser did show up in all his feminine finery, along with his two delightful college age daughters. It’s my fault but I did not pursue what could have been a very ugly pre-dinner conversation about current politics in our country. I realize of course, the cross dresser doesn’t really have any serious “stakes” in the LGBT game. Since he never served his country, he doesn’t have any knowledge of the torment caused by the Trump/Pence supported transgender military ban. Plus wouldn’t coming from a “good Christian family” mean Pence would be more understanding? For sure, Trump is the furthest example of an anti-Christian we have ever seen in office.
OK, enough of my rant. As I said, it s my fault for letting him off the hook last night.
Finally, I hope all you devout Christians’ are able to enjoy Easter Sunday for all the day brings to you!
Tonight I will supposedly meet the two daughters of the cross dresser I am not really fond of. You may remember, this is the one who is madly in love with Liz and has made the comment that all transgender women on hormones are bitches. One good way to make sure we are one is to come up with a sweeping stereotypical comment like that!
At any rate, I am looking forward to where we are going to eat and seeing if the cross dresser comes as his guy self, which he has done in the past. I am also interested to see if the daughters show up at all. If either happens, I don’t know why we were invited at all.
Last night was the third Thursday monthly social for cross dressers and transgender women Liz and usually attend.
At last nights’ get together, seemingly, everyone had a good time and even had a couple of trans men attend. The venue we go to is normally very empty except for our group and last night was no different. We even have the same server.
All went well until it was time to pay and Liz was handling the credit card receipt to our server. For some reason, the server proceeded to call me “he” twice in the same sentence…to Liz. I found out if there is one thing more dangerous than misgendering me to me, it’s doing it to Liz. In a split second, Liz fiercely set the server right. I was not a he! It all happened so fast I barely had a chance to comprehend what just happened.
I love her so much!
Changing subjects and going back to my endocrinologist visit a couple weeks ago, Connie had this to say:
“I’m surprised that your endocrinologist didn’t tell you about laying off bananas while on Spiro. Bananas (with peanut butter) has been my favorite mid-morning snack since childhood. I can even have withdrawal symptoms if I don’t get my beloved banana boost. I’m sure that is why I took note of Spiro’s effect of a potential potassium build-up when I was researching it many years ago. I would sacrifice my daily banana, though, for the lessening of my testosterone, but my levels have gone down with age, anyway.
Speaking of bananas, have you heard that Mike Pence is so homophobic that he eats them sideways? :-)”
In all fairness to my VA Endo Doc, she seems to be over worked and under paid and remembering back not so long ago, my Veteran’s Administration Medical Center didn’t even have an Endocrinologist at all. I really have had no problem with the care I have gotten at the VA but on occasion you have to remember you get what you pay for and be patient…or be the patient.
Ironically, it was a transgender friend of mine who reminded me about bananas when I started on Spiro. And yes I have heard that about Pence. Saturday night, we are meeting up with a cross dresser friend of ours who knows Pence’s brother over in nearby Indiana. It should make for an interesting dinner conversation!
As promised, this is part two of my previous post called no games.
It took awhile, but my endocrinologist requested blood tests came back on my levels of testosterone and estrogen.
It turns out my testosterone was very low and my levels of estrogen were as to be expected too. Also, the blood tests detected a slightly elevated of potassium. So, to counteract it, she (my Doc) is decreasing slightly my dosage of Spiro. I used to eat a banana a day, thinking it was good for me, until I found it wasn’t and contributed to severe pain in my legs.
If you are not familiar, Spironolactone is used to lower testosterone and lowers blood pressure as a side result, among other things. (Or, vice versa.)
At any rate, one of the side effects of taking Spiro is it makes you lightheaded and/or dizzy, both of which I have been experiencing more of lately.
Initially, I was upset at the diagnosis, fearing my testosterone would increase and would not be counter balanced by a higher dosage of Estradiol .
Then I came back to my senses (what’s left of them) and realized I was going against one of my basic principles…my health comes first.
This is definitely not a game! Plus, I have another blood test scheduled in May and another appointment in four months, so nothing is permanent.
Yesterday’s mammogram and today’s call from my endocrinologist have proven to me again how my transgender journey came from having no choice and is definitely no game. I have always been humored in a negative way by those who think any of us had a choice to go down this road.
Even though I chose the newer 3-D method of mammogram (thanks Michelle), the procedure was no walk in the park. For those of you who don’t know, a “3-D gram” provides a better look at denser breast tissue, normally associated with transgender patients.
The technician was different in how she phrased the question most civilians want to know, when she innocently asked if I had completed my Mtf transition or still was expecting work to “move things around.” I had a notion to say it was none of her business until I thought ahead and realized this person was going to cause me some potential discomfort. So I just replied I thought I was close to being done. Our local Transgender community was recently shocked by a trans woman who passed on (in her 40’s) from complications when she went through breast augmentation, facial feminization and gender realignment surgery in the same procedure.
As we were finishing up and walking down the hall to leave, she was pleasantly telling me her about her love for upscale purses and then never carrying them.
So hopefully I will be done with mammograms, which I call a rite of passage, until next year.
The game part of this post will be coming up in my next Cyrsti’s Condo offering, as this one is getting a little long. Stay tuned.
Starting off a brand new week for me means it’s time to step back and take a brief moment to what is going on.
First of all today I have my much procrastinated mammogram which should have been scheduled in January. The reason I put it off wasn’t the procedure itself, which only provides some minor dis-comfort, more so was where I had to go to get it done. Then, after all the putting off, I found the hospital now offers a new imaging center which is much easier for me to get to. So, my appointment is at two today.
I also was able to refill my Spiro this morning without any hassles. It’s the drug I take to keep my testosterone low as well as my blood pressure. It was nice I didn’t have to go to any convoluted moves to get it done when I called the pharmacy. The woman said it had already been taken care of.
The rest of the week is fairly quiet except for Thursday when we have a social dinner with my transgender – cross dresser group. This will be the fourth time we have went, so I am learning who to avoid. If I can. At least with a few of the attendee’s. we have moved from what gun they are carrying in their purse, to seeing endless pictures of their kids.
Since this weekend is a week before the Trans Ohio Symposium, we probably won’t do much except maybe go ahead and get our nails done.
Well, I finally got off my rear and scheduled my mammogram appointment for Monday. It’s actually in an easier hospital to get to for me and I don’t have to navigate the congested maze of hospitals located around the (Cincinnati) downtown medical center. Plus I won’t have to walk as far.
Yesterday, I also left a message with my endocrinologist asking her if she ever received my blood test labs which measure the estradiol (synthetic estrogen) and testosterone levels in my body. I have not heard back yet from her. One way or another it’s not earth shattering because I am not trying to do anything very dramatic. Also, going through my Doc is the safest way to go.
Changing subjects here, the very crowded Democratic primary seems to keep adding people many of us have never heard of. Certain groups through are attempting to sort through all the political BS to give us a deeper look into the candidates. In fact, Democratic candidates will be facing off on LGBTQ issues in a forum this fall. It’s a long read, but you can go here to check it out. It helped me to at least put ideas with names for a change.
The event is scheduled for October 10th, which coincides with the “National Coming Out Day.”
Yesterday I went with my partner Liz to her Doctor’s appointment and felt good. The wait is normally short and I fool around on my phone and people watch.
For a change, my Mtf Gender Dysphoria was at a low point, so I felt good about myself presenting as a trans woman in public. One would think, as much and as long I have lived full time, all anxieties would begin to diminish. And, for a change, they have.
For the most part yesterday, my interactions were all with other women since Liz’s Doctor is in a University of Cincinnati women’s health center. For all I know they could have thought I was there for any number of issues except pregnancy. However, if I don’t continue to walk and control what I eat, I might be looking like I am pregnant anyhow.
Speaking of women’s health issues, I better get my mammogram scheduled. My maternal grandmother passed from breast cancer in the 1950’s so a precedent has been set in my family to get it done. My latest excuse is we are down to one car and I have to be careful to schedule it around my other medical appointments, as well as Liz’s.
Again the whole deal is part of being a woman and I need to get it done.
Finally, I have not heard back from my endocrinologist concerning the possibility of increasing my HRT. I did how ever, receive an extra dosage of Estrogen (Estrodial) patches from the VA, so maybe I have been approved but just not told yet.
Yesterday as I mentioned before here in Cyrsti’s Condo, was my monthly visit to my therapist. The session went as expected with extra emphasis on Veteran’s Administration mandated surveys they are over prone on occasion to give out. The surveys basically delved into potential depression and it’s results.
We also went into the Trans Ohio Symposium information I recently received and I am scheduled to present one of the first workshops on Saturday morning. I laughed I would potentially still be hung over from the attendee mixer the night before which we always attend at Columbus, Ohio’s Club Diversity. Liz and I always safely Uber about the city on our pre-destined trips to alcoholic venues.
My therapist and I also talked about my trip to visit my vacant property in Springfield to pick up any litter as needed. It turns out no upkeep was needed.
As it turned out, when I checked out comments to the blog this morning, Connie had a different idea of the visit:
“Maybe I can save you a trip to the therapist (or give you something to talk to the therapist about). Have you considered that the littered vacant lot could represent your past – experiences you lived, but now wish would just go away?
I think, when we transition, we may be anxious to be rid of the male persona in favor of a new totally-feminine existence. All of our past experiences culminate into who we are, though. In the (long) process of transitioning, I believe that it’s impossible to vacate our pasts, but we do begin to view them from a different perspective. Although there may be much that litters our past, the important things, like close personal relationships, can’t be ignored.
Today is my first daughter’s 40th birthday (how can that be, when I am still in my 40’s?). 🙂 I have been reminiscing about her this morning, and, although I wouldn’t ever want to forget anything about her, there are some not-so-great things that litter my memories – the time when she was about eleven, and accidentally caught me cross dressed, being one of the most regrettable. We can’t erase anything, but we can pick up the pieces and try to put them into a new perspective.
There are plenty of other things from my past – good and bad – that I will never forget, but I certainly don’t talk about them as I might have years ago. Sitting around with a bunch of guys (even if they are in dresses), trading stories in a one-up-man-ship manner, is just not appealing to me these days. It only ever was because I was so into the overcompensation game of hiding my femininity with demonstrations of hyper-masculinity. Oh, how silly I now see myself to have been!
I often refer to the AA Serenity Prayer, because it seems to sum up my transgender existence:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.”
I read lots of books, from mythology retellings to literary fiction and I love to reread books from childhood, this is a place to voice my thoughts for fun. I also like to ramble about things such as art or nature every now and again.