Lost

Well, last night I lost an election to the board of the transgender – cross dresser support group I am part of.

I am not really too torn up about it, as during the meeting I remembered how mind numbing boring a board meeting could be.

I think too, I lost votes because of my Facebook tirade Saturday against an old cross dresser I have known for about thirty years. After the cross dresser made a big deal out of the clear blue sky to praise resident rump and all his policies I told another friend of ours what I felt about the cross dresser. I wasn’t kind and said something to the effect the cross dresser didn’t care about the long (and short) terms of what the current administration is doing to the transgender community because he didn’t have a dog in the fight anyway. Unfortunately, I didn’t say it that nicely and now I have several cross dressers in the group who hold a grudge against me now.

But…if I spent a whole lot of time worrying about what people think of me, I would be in a whole different spot now anyhow.

They will get over it. 

Busy Week

After a brief break for Labor Day on Monday, life kicks back into high gear again. 

Tonight is my vote (or the board’s vote) on my application to fill a vacated board post on the transgender – cross dresser support group I am part of. I am running against someone else, so there is no guarantee I will get it. I am experienced in sitting on volunteer boards for ten years or more during my life, so I am qualified. Basically, I am putting myself up for extra hassle because Liz wants me to do something to get out of the house more. So in reality (since I am retired) I do have have more time to give. The one thing which could go against me is a Facebook interaction I had Saturday night with another transgender woman about an ultra right wing bigoted cross dresser who had jumped into the conversation. It’s complicated enough for a whole post but making a long story short, I hurt a couple of cross dressers’ feelings during the interaction. One of which sits on the board. 

One way or another it won’t be the end of the world.

Wednesday’s appointment is much more important. I am having my third (and hopefully final) heart exam. It’s an ultra sound on my heart. The first two tests went OK on my heart, so hopefully this one will too. 

Thursday, I head back up to Dayton, Ohio for two more appointments. I have to have more blood taken for a hematology test and also see the doctor who prescribes all my Bi-Polar meds. 

Friday, I finish the week with another trip to Dayton to see my therapist. At least this time, we will have plenty to talk about!

Oh, and I forgot, Friday night is another one of the cross dresser – transgender socials Liz and I go to. 

Plus, the weekend brings an interesting regional college football game. The local Cincinnati Bearcat team is playing The Ohio State Buckeyes. It is a must watch game.

So far, I think that is it!

To Be or Not to Be

Recently here in Cyrsti’s Condo, we featured two young transgender women who decided to come out and be LGBTQ activists…if even it’s because they came out at all.  One was Teddy Quinlivan. Along the way, Connie wanted to clarify a comment she made:

“I didn’t write what I did because I disagreed with Ms. Quinilivan’s decision to come out as she did. In this age of cyber-information, though, it’s likely that someone else would have exposed her gender status eventually. My point was that much of what made it possible for her to even have that option was by those of us who had gone before her. Whether it was more difficult for us (baby boomers) than it was for her could be debated, but I was more interested in the evolution and history of it all. We, who are the old-timers now, also owe much to those who had gone before us.

For many women, cis or trans, fashion models represent the unrealistic, if not impossible. I agree with Paula that it is about so much more than clothes and looks, but, unfortunately, there are so many who develop feelings of inferiority – and even hopelessness – when they compare themselves to these models. We trans women often talk about how passing is not really important, but I think most of us would like to be able to do so. If I could, I believe I would do everything I could to keep my trans status a secret. As a child, I fantasized about moving away to a place where nobody knew me and live as a woman. By the time I got close enough to my eighteenth birthday, though, testosterone had done so much damage to my body that my dream seemed to be forever quashed. Had I thought that I needed to look as good as a model, however, I never would have considered it in the first place.

Anyway, those of us who are trans and not models (although I want to be a contestant on a new show, “America’s Next (Muffin) Top Model,” can still have an impact. Just being out in the world and living regular lives can make a big difference. I think it’s pretty obvious to most everybody I meet that I’m a trans woman, so I never bring up the subject. If someone else does, I do my best to educate them, but I always make it clear that I consider myself to be a woman, and trans is but one adjective of many others I wish to be used in reference to me. How about: loving, caring, friendly, good, or even bitchy (sometimes)?”



I agree. Unless you happen to be totally passable, you definitely are on the front lines of transgender acceptance/education. If you like it or not.  It’s one of the reasons I respect those who come out despite having a ton of passing privilege .

I Tried it Once

Today I was surprised when a person who should have known better referred to me as he twice in the same conversation.

Finally, I took the next opportunity to throw in the chat I had tried the “he” part of life already and it almost killed me. For those you who don’t know, I tried to commit suicide after a particularly nasty bout with gender dysphoria.

As far as the guy went, he was taken aback and from then on he referred to me with an emphatic “she.”

At least I didn’t have to explain further what I meant

All Nighter

As expected, Saturday was a long day. Liz sold her canning items successfully during the small festival we went to.  Best of all, it was a picture perfect almost early fall like day. Since I am still in my “fashion” medical boot, mobility was at a minimum. Acceptance of me as a transgender woman was not as a minimum though. Many of the people there I already knew, so in ways they probably didn’t understand, they paved the way for others to accept me too. 

The day passed fairly quickly and it was time to go a ghost hunt. We (Liz and I) are now members in good standing of the local “Cincinnati Ghost Hunters” group. Since we completed our second paranormal adventure. This one was quite a bit more tame intensity wise than the first one was but still interesting. I did have a fairly intense encounter with a spirit on a old church pew upstairs in the opera house. I was watching the reactions on a meter as I asked questions and was told later I should have taped the whole encounter. It  was a spur of the moment thing though, so I didn’t have a recorder as my cell phone was almost out of charge.

The whole evening was finished off with an impromptu classic rock music presentation by one of the event organizers. At that point I was able to try to shake off the effects of the mocha espresso drink I had been sipping and try to lay down in the car and sleep for a couple hours.  I do believe I did manage to get an hour and a half of sleep. 

I do know at this point of my life, it is tough to shake off the affects of having very little sleep and I spent most of Sunday dozing off. 

Regardless of how it happens, I can’t empathize the possible positive impact of joining various groups who are not particularly LGBTQ influenced. Along the way, I have been able to be accepted for the transgender person I am and at the same time show another group of people how easy it is to know a trans person.

It’s great to show people we are not really so much different than they are after all. Tonight I return to reality though and attend another transgender – crossdresser support group meeting.   

Another Busy Day

Saturday is going to be a test of my foot boot as it is going to be a busy day. I am just going to try to keep my walking to a minimum. 

Liz starts her day with a martial arts class. Including one on board breaking, which takes her to one o’clock, at which time we are supposed to set up at a Mother Earth vending event in which we raise money for the only homeless shelter in a nearby county. It is scheduled to run until eight at which time we tear down and get ready to drive forty five minutes south into Kentucky.

Roh’s Opera House

At ten, we are signed up to tour Rohs Opera House in Cynthiana. We will find out if the rumors of it being haunted are true. After our last haunted adventure turned out to be so intense, I highly doubt if this one will come up to those standards!

One way or another, Saturday is going to be another one of those busy days. I hope my “boot” doesn’t give me the boot! 

Up Close and Personal

All of a sudden, all my future appointments with the Veteran’s Administration are coming due. For those of you who possibly don’t know, I am a transgender vet and I get my health care through the VA. Plus, I am nearly 70 years old.

Let me see now if I can remember everything they (VA) want to do. Sometime next week I need to have my ankle X-rayed and go through a colonoscopy pre screening on the telephone. The people setting up the appointment had no sense of humor when I asked if I could go through the whole thing on the phone. 

Following all of that, the week of Labor Day, I have approximately four appointments. The first of which is a heart sonar test. Then I have three appointments up in Dayton, Ohio. One of which is in hematology blood work checkup and two mental health appointments. 

To add insult to possible injury, I am still waiting to hear from the pulmonary lab who want to schedule another test on my lungs.

Hopefully, after all of this, nothing will be wrong.

But at the least, I am having it checked.

Important Survey

“Hi! 

My name is Beatrice Rothbaum and I am a clinical psychology doctoral student at Adelphi University. I currently contribute to the Intersectional Development Lab at Adelphi University, directed by Chana Etengoff, Ph.D. Members of our research group identify as trans, queer, and cisgender. 

I am reaching out to you about participating in my research project titled “Trans Self-Efficacy and Well-Being.” The purpose of this study is to explore the relationship between trans well-being and self-efficacy (an individual’s belief in their ability to achieve goals). This project additionally explores political activism and psychotherapy experiences.

This project is informed by my trans-positive clinical and advocacy work. In my work, I have learned that every trans story is important and I look forward to learning more about yours.

If you identify as trans, are at least 18 years old, and reside in the U.S.you are eligible to participate in this online survey! The survey may take an hour to an hour and fifteen minutes to complete.

Your participation and responses will remain confidential. Thank you for your trust.

If you are interested in participating or learning more about the study, please click here.

Adelphi University’s IRB has approved this research study and all responses will remain confidential. If you have any questions or concerns, you may contact me at beatricerothbaum@mail.adelphi.edu or my Co-PI/faculty adviser, Chana Etengoff, Ph.D., at cetengoff@adelphi.edu.  

I look forward to learning more about your views and experiences, “

Beatrice Rothbaum (she/her/hers) 

Clinical Psychology Doctoral Student 

Intersectional Development Lab

Gordon F. Derner School of Psychology

Adelphi University