Different Strokes

Sometimes I wonder why I continue to be a regular at the one transgender – cross dresser (Cincinnati) group I go to. The easy answers are I enjoy it and think I have something to add.

The reason I think I have something to add is very simple…I have just survived longer than anyone else in the group. I get many “aha” moments when the occasional cross dresser will deny any advanced feelings about becoming a woman and then, in the next breath say she can’t wait to go somewhere and have men hit on her. I smile knowingly, remembering when I felt the same way. I thought when and if a man hit on me, it was a validation of my feminine self.

It’s a small example of what I hear and feel at the meetings. I am also fascinated by the cross section of socio-economic types who attend. In other words, how such a different cross section of people can come together for a couple hours to hopefully help each other.

My big input at the meeting last night was what I wrote about in Cyrsti’s Condo yesterday. I mentioned the benefit of getting into group situations outside of the LGBTQ community. It is a chance for you to be accepted as a person for a change…not a transgender person. An example is the one person who came to the meeting last night who is a member of two belly dancing groups. I know at least three readers who do the same thing. Paula over in the UK with her music groups, Mandy in all her travels and of course Connie who works a whole job as a woman. (And I know I missed many of you!)

The fact remains not everyone’s goal is to live full time as a woman, however , one should never say never. I am proof of that.

Sometimes I think I am a glutton for punishment. Last night I volunteered to run for the board of the group. However, someone else is too, so maybe they will be chosen instead of me. I am qualified from running years of board meetings with several civic organizations. So we will see.

In the meantime, I will continue to add in my comments and observations when I see fit and hope I don’t bore too many people!

All Nighter

As expected, Saturday was a long day. Liz sold her canning items successfully during the small festival we went to.  Best of all, it was a picture perfect almost early fall like day. Since I am still in my “fashion” medical boot, mobility was at a minimum. Acceptance of me as a transgender woman was not as a minimum though. Many of the people there I already knew, so in ways they probably didn’t understand, they paved the way for others to accept me too. 

The day passed fairly quickly and it was time to go a ghost hunt. We (Liz and I) are now members in good standing of the local “Cincinnati Ghost Hunters” group. Since we completed our second paranormal adventure. This one was quite a bit more tame intensity wise than the first one was but still interesting. I did have a fairly intense encounter with a spirit on a old church pew upstairs in the opera house. I was watching the reactions on a meter as I asked questions and was told later I should have taped the whole encounter. It  was a spur of the moment thing though, so I didn’t have a recorder as my cell phone was almost out of charge.

The whole evening was finished off with an impromptu classic rock music presentation by one of the event organizers. At that point I was able to try to shake off the effects of the mocha espresso drink I had been sipping and try to lay down in the car and sleep for a couple hours.  I do believe I did manage to get an hour and a half of sleep. 

I do know at this point of my life, it is tough to shake off the affects of having very little sleep and I spent most of Sunday dozing off. 

Regardless of how it happens, I can’t empathize the possible positive impact of joining various groups who are not particularly LGBTQ influenced. Along the way, I have been able to be accepted for the transgender person I am and at the same time show another group of people how easy it is to know a trans person.

It’s great to show people we are not really so much different than they are after all. Tonight I return to reality though and attend another transgender – crossdresser support group meeting.   

Thanks!

Thanks to those of you who commented on my health issues.  The Doc’s are checking my breathing this coming Thursday and I am still awaiting an appointment for extensive heart tests. It’s a good thing I don’t feel any worse than I do…I guess!

Actually, I am being a whiner. Outside of an occasional pain from my ankle, I don’t feel bad at all. However I do know the risk HRT brings to a person in my age range and am ready to go through more tests. 

On top of all of that, I still have had a busy week. Yesterday was a combined party for my grand kids at my daughter’s mother in law’s.Β  It went well and the Mother in Law managed not to mis-gender me through the whole party. Perhaps it was because I had my transgender feminine batteries recharged Friday when I went to my hair stylist. Quite frankly, I was feeling quite ragged before she worked her wonders on my hair. After she was done, I felt refreshed and ready to face the world again.Β 

Monday night, I have another transgender-cross dresser support group meeting. Tuesday I have two appointments at the Dayton, Ohio Veterans Administration. The first, a visit with my hematology Doc and the second, my monthly therapist appointment.

Wednesday I have a tag a long appointment with Liz to one of her Doc’s. Which brings me back to Thursday and the breathing appointment. 

It’s a good thing I have a walking boot to protect my ankle!  I am supposed to get it  X-rayed again in two weeks.

One more thing…as I have mentioned before HRT and blood clots are nothing to play with. As Connie commented:

“I’m glad that you didn’t have a blood clot. Those things can be very dangerous and life-threatening. I know; I’ve had two of them. The doctors take no chances, and so off to the emergency center you go. My doctor must have decided that I was lying about not taking hormones, and so he ordered blood tests specifically for my hormone levels. That’s how I discovered that my testosterone/estrogen balance was very close to the average post-menopausal woman (whoopie!). Still, though, there was never any determined cause for the clots. Their only answer was to put me on blood thinners for the rest of my life, and HRT would, forevermore, be out of the question for me. When I got the first clot in my calf, my ankle and foot became so swollen that I thought my skin was going to burst open. 

Do you know how you broke your ankle? I don’t want to alarm you, but HRT can also cause one to lose bone density. You should have a test for that, as well. Osteoporosis may not kill you like a blood clot can, but it can sure affect your lifestyle.”

Ironically, the ankle problem could be a result of an old football injury. Plus, I was tested for Osteoporosis in the past. I’m sure they can do it again! Thanks!

Busy!

Since our vacation ended, it seems as if all we have been doing is run.

Monday we got back. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, I went with Liz to her Doctor appointments and finally the grocery store. Then tonight we have a monthly social with the transgender – cross dresser support group we are a part of.

It’s hard to believe another month has raced by already. I haven’t even figured out what I am going to wear. 

Saturday will make sixteen straight days of doing something. As we have another meeting for the Witches Ball Halloween party coming up in October. Plus, while I am on the subject of Halloween activity, Liz and I are going on a ghost hunt over in Indiana on Sunday.

It’s no wonder, I am going through so much make up! Here is a picture taken on one of our Colorado train rides wearing little to no makeup…with Liz of course. I chose to wear just a light foundation and eye makeup that day. Wasn’t trying to conserve makeup, I was just trying to blend in with most of the other women on the trip. 

Back “in the day” when I dreamed of going into a full time transgender existence, Little did I know it would be this extensive.

Another Night Out

Last night we went again to the usual upscale Italian restaurant we normally go to…perhaps for the last time. No, nothing out of the ordinary happened. The obnoxious cross dresser was there along with Liz, myself and a recovering older person who needed assistance So we  were able to stop and give her a ride. She is recovering from a fairly serious foot operation. 

It was interesting in that we had a chance to really talk to her by herself. She was talking about how long it took to establish a feminine life and how she didn’t really want to be seen with anyone closer to home who could tie her back in with her old masculine life. She has established herself as a new member greeter in her church. Plus, she is a board member of the “Rosie Reds” a women’s auxiliary of the professional baseball Cincinnati Reds. At the age of eighty, she has established herself as everyone’s grandma. 

As we talked, I had a chance to insert how bored I was with going to the same place all the time, not to mention how tired I am with the same old bullshit from the obnoxious cross dresser. 

Due to our upcoming vacation, plus a ghost tour we are going on, I won’t have to worry about seeing him for at least a month. 

Unfortunately, that isn’t quite true because this Thursday we are going to another social the night before we leave for Colorado (from Ohio).  The cross dresser nearly always comes but there are plenty of other transgender peeps to interact with.  It should be interesting this week because the venue is being moved from a local small independent restaurant who didn’t want to stay open past nine for us, to a large corporate restaurant/bar.  As a former restaurant manager myself, I am sorry to see us move. On the other hand I understand. 

I am sure I will have plenty of other chances to write about it later.

Bored

After every up moment such as this weekend, there naturally comes a period of “what now?” 

I have nothing going on this week until Friday when we have our monthly transgender-cross dresser social at the Mexican Restaurant we go to quite a bit. 

It’s still too early to decide, but since we are still baking in our mini heat wave, I probably will wear my other maxi dress. 

Other than that, I will be riding along with Liz to her doctor’s appointments, which require no special preparation to speak of. Just the normal jeans and minimal make up.

All the Prides in the area are now done, so it’s a let down too. Most of the euphoria of Pride can be tempered with all the tragic violence against transgender women around the country and the world. Pride is a powerful example of what is possible…if we all stick together and make it happen.

Group Tears

Last night’s transgender – cross dresser support group meeting at times was very intense. For example, we had a first time participant show up who is not transgender but has two trans kids. Ironically, she wants to be able to connect with them but can’t seem to. More than likely their is probably another detached spouse pulling the strings. Through her tears she managed to say she “thinks” Cincinnati Children’s Hospital is involved , which is the “Gold Standard” for trans care in the area for anyone 24 or younger. 

Another interesting attendee was struggling to put into focus who they really were. Even though, they are starting HRT and most of work knows, they still use the terminology “dressing up” as a woman and not dressing as their “true self”. 

Also in attendance were two totally new peeps, one still dressed as a guy. Neither said a whole lot except one owned a new “old school” board game shop fairly close to our house. 

More tears came after the new peeps when one of the trans women who brought her wife to the last meeting read a letter from the wife. The letter delved deeply into the struggle she was having accepting the “death” of her husband and the ability to being able to move on if she had too. 

Between her and the woman with the two trans kids, I realized once again the severe distress gender dysphoria can cause. 

I hope everyone’s time at the meeting was valuable. Even the young trans woman who has a boy friend who knows she is trans. Haven’t seen her for a long time but she is transitioning really well. 

Balancing her story is a sad one. One of the nicest transgender women I have ever met went through all her gender surgeries with flying colors, found a man who again knew of her past but went ahead with plans to get married anyhow. However, before the date, he backed out saying people in the small Kentucky town he was from were calling him gay. More tears.

Maybe I should check my hormone levels! 

Staying up Late

Last night’s monthly dinner social with the transgender – cross dresser group we are part of came off as predicted…good food and over by nine. About that time, word started to spread about a Cincinnati Pride kick off party at a old restored theater. Since Liz had the day off Friday, we decided to go.

The crowd at the kick off party was predictable but fun. I am fairly sure I was one of the few transgender people in the venue. Most of the participants were gay men interspersed by lesbians and drag queens. In particular one drag king performer put on a sexy burlesque show which was dynamite.

To make a long story short, I drank too many beers and stayed out late but a good time was had by all. 

Revenge?

Last night was our regular monthly social with the transgender – cross dresser group my partner Liz and I are part of. All of the usual suspects were there, including the Mike Pence (yes the fascist vice president) loving cross dresser. 

I was enjoying myself. I thought I looked as good as possible with my loose fitting sleeveless top, along with my black leggings and black flats. The outfit gives me an inkling of how the hormones I have been on are finally shaping me a feminine body without the benefit of any shapers what so ever. The weather was not overwhelming hot and the air conditioner works well in the almost new car we just bought. Life was good.

I was even ignoring my less than fave cross dresser acquaintance until Liz started a conversation with his daughter about why my brother and I don’t speak anymore. The basic reason is he (my brother) won’t accept me over the feelings of his Southern Baptist in laws. All of the sudden I sensed my opening was coming.

To set it up, a couple weeks ago over dinner, I was trying to get Mr. CD to bring up his buddy Pence (they are both from Indiana) and he did by calling him a “man from a good Christian family.” Last night, his daughter wanted to know why my brother didn’t accept me. I couldn’t resist and looked her and Dad right in the eye and said because of a good Christian family. 

All of a sudden, the dinner conversation was over. I felt I had arrived finally. Everyone was wondering why I was so quiet…no more. However, I warned them.

Speaking, or writing on religion, Connie did write in this comment to add in because it’s never “enough said.”:

“Well, I wasn’t going to comment on this, since you ended your post with “enough said,” but since others have spoken up…

The book of Deuteronomy is, basically, a list of rules that pertained to the society and culture of that time. It doesn’t explain the reasons, really, and much is left to interpretation. I’ve read that 2:25 may have been in reference to men attempting to avoid military service, as well as women who wanted to fight. Of course, it could have been put on the list by a homophobic authority figure who found himself attracted to a trans woman. Your anonymous “commenter” appears to be of that ilk, especially considering the other Bible verse attached. 

Connie (below)

After years of hiding myself from anyone, literally and otherwise, I had what was, at least, an epiphany – but I do believe that God spoke to me directly. As I sat alone, locked in a room, I heard a voice saying, simply, “It’s OK; you are OK.” For me, that overrides any Bible quotes anybody else tries to throw at me. 

Now, if I could just get one of those Bible Thumpers to explain why God created a man with nipples before He created a woman, I’d be a happy woman! :-)”

Enough said? This time?

Saturday Night Lights

Tonight I will supposedly meet the two daughters of the cross dresser I am not really fond of.  You may remember, this is the one who is madly in love with Liz and has made the comment that all transgender women on hormones are bitches. One good way to make sure we are one is to come up with a sweeping stereotypical comment like that!

At any rate, I am looking forward to where we are going to eat and seeing if the cross dresser comes as his guy self, which he has done in the past. I am also interested to see if the daughters show up at all. If either happens, I don’t know why we were invited at all.

I will let you know what happens!