Party On!

Above, to the left, is a picture of my granddaughter, daughter and myself. Included to my right is my ex wife’s husband who had the strokes and behind is my youngest grandson. 

Not shown (of course) is my daughters father in law who seems to hate the world with me in it. 

Connie, it seems has the same problem:

“I have the same problem with the F-I-L of my eldest daughter. I know that I make him very uncomfortable, which is great, because he had always made me uncomfortable before I was out. He’s one of those with whom any conversation leads to nowhere. That is, he never gives more than a three word answer to any question – unless it is about his church and their fundamentalist teachings, the subject of which I have always tried to avoid. I rather enjoy watching him biting his tongue now, because he is afraid to talk about things that he knows would offend me, as well as everybody else in the family. It’s not really that he doesn’t want to offend; he’s afraid of the repercussions. I still greet him with a friendly hello, and convey that it was nice to see him again upon his departure, but I’m so glad that just being myself is enough reason for us to not have to engage the whole time in-between. I’m thinking that he’s just burning up inside that he sees everyone else accepting and loving me, and my happiness is not affected by his presence or glaring from across the room.

It’s great that you had such a wonderful reunion. Let’s hope we never have to go through such a separation again.”

Let’s hope not indeed! Thanks for the comment! Further more they are aggravated because we are happy!

Finally

 Yesterday was finally my first day out supposedly under “normal” conditions in other words, going to my oldest grandson’s graduation party.

Unfortunately,  Liz wasn’t feeling well, so I made the nearly three hour round trip alone. 

Once I arrived,  my greeting was warm and inviting, even driving my daughter to tears. Other than that, not much else had changed. Her father in law ignored me when he wasn’t busy glaring at me. The grandkids were all nice including my rainbowed hair granddaughter  who is on summer break from The Ohio State University. My son in law was pleasant but detached as always and his sister along with brother in law were busily getting drunk. (Sounds like a Christmas family dinner, right?}

Ironically, a year and half from the last time I saw everyone, very little had changed. Also my ex wife who is also the mother of my daughter was there along with her husband who recently suffered another stroke. 

What I enjoy most is the acceptance I receive from the overwhelming majority of the group. As I was coming out and entering the feminine world, their backing was invaluable.  I had years of toxic male behavior to make up for. 

Of course I dressed to blend. I wore my “Memorial Day” stars and stripes smock top with a pair of leggings and tennis shoes. 

The best part of the whole day was my daughter and I pledged to set up a girls breakfast get together with her, my grand daughter, Liz and I. She has time off coming from her job soon to make it happen.

Transgender Allies

I have written extensively here in Cyrsti’s Condo on my relationship with my long time partner Liz. After all, she was instrumental in kicking me out of the closet and into a feminine world so many years ago. Even though she is a cis-female, she still maintains I am more of a girl than she is. 

So it is no surprise I am very much a supporter of transgender allies. The problem becomes when allies are discussed in many corners of the trans community, it gets bogged down in the minutia of the subject. An example would be a few people would describe a transgender ally as one who simply uses the right pro nouns. 

I believe an true ally supports the trans lifestyle all the way to not backing politicians who vote for anti LGBT legislation. 

I am fortunate in that I have met several other spouses of transgender women and men who completely support their spouses. In fact, I presented my idea to the “powers to be” at Trans-Ohio yesterday about putting together a video presentation on the powers of allies for this years’ Pride month. 

The only opportunities I have to do it are simply getting the go ahead from the people I am thinking of asking. Then having the technological knowledge to make it happen. 

I have until the 18th of June to do it. 

Jin Xing

Jin Xing (above) is a famous Chinese transgender celebrity.

Along with being director of the Shanghai contemporary dance company, she is also a well known actress, ballerina, modern dancer and choreographer. 

She was born in 1987.  She was also a member of a military dance troop and rose to the rank of colonel. 

Don’t Worry be Happy

Yesterday I attended the first of two webinars I scheduled for myself between now and the end of the month.

The one yesterday was on the subject of humor and elderly care givers. The facilitator did a good job keeping the subject on point until it came time to end it promptly. I had other things to do so I didn’t stick around to make my point. 

I was going to mention the difficulty yet priority of using humor as a positive tool when you are a transgender woman or trans man. I find when I am meeting a new person for the first time if I am able to break the ice with a nice smile it makes the whole experience go smoother. Whatever people think of my feminine presentation, there still is the fact I am a big thick person. Also I try to be aware most people have never met a transgender person before and don’t know how to act. Then, there was the woman at the post office the other day who was killing me with kindness. 

Personally, I prefer using a smile rather than try my sometimes sarcastic and wicked sense of humor on a person I don’t know. The best part about it now is at least I have nice teeth to do it and can start to not wear a mask anymore to show them off.

Finally, what I took away from the whole webinar was, if you can condition yourself everyday to start your day on a positive note, the happier overall you will be.

Getting Busy

 I have written briefly here in Cyrsti’s Condo concerning how I seemingly have the tendency to “bundle” up my events together. When you are retired such as I am, almost anything can be called an “event.”

Old Summer Photo

For example, this week,  on Tuesday I have the first of my two webinars on aging I have signed up for followed by another therapist’s appointment on Wednesday. More than likely too, I have a meeting coming up with the Trans Ohio group on Thursday or Friday. It is about attempting to put together yet another on line event for Pride this year. Personally I think it’s all a case of overkill because of the number of separate Pride events which are happening in  the  metro Cincinnati area but I was out voted. As it stands right now, I think I am going to try to involve a couple of the fabulous cis women transgender allies I know to speak on the subject. 

Then, this weekend is basically a chance to really celebrate being slightly free of the pandemic hold we have been under for well over a year. Of course, both Liz and I have been fully vaccinated. Saturday is a concert in a sculpture park we have been invited to by a musician we know who moved away not long ago to New Mexico. If we go, it could turn out into a dinner out afterwards.

Finally, Sunday is my oldest Grandson’s high school graduation get together.  At the least I will get to see if anyone notices my new teeth. If they do, it will just reinforce in my mind, how far gone my old ones were. After all, I didn’t want to be mistaken for some burn out old crack head.  I just had always figured my teeth would still outlast how long I would live. An idea reminiscent of the dark days of my life. FYI, the only drug abuse I was into was alcohol. 

All the activity will make the week go by in a hurry.

Who Are you Really?

As transgender women and men, who we really are at times causes us significant mental duress. 

Liz and I

I know with me, it took me nearly fifty years to finally come to the conclusion I was living life as a lie as I desperately tried to hang on to the remaining vestiges of my life as a guy. The problem I had was, every now and then I would have a pleasurable male experience or enjoyed a bit of the white male privilege I thought I had earned. During those moments, I would question why I would want to give it all up and enter the feminine world. Of course all of it caused me great stress which I ended up labeling gender dysphoria. 

As I have written in depth before here in Cyrsti’s Condo, all of my gender stress and tension led me to a very active suicide attempt. 

It’s no surprise too, so many transgender folk go back and forth wondering about their gender choices. After all, there

are too many instances of transitioning trans women or men losing family and/or jobs.  Too many become desperately lonely. 

It’s tough, we are stuck in one of the most difficult journeys a human being can make. It’s so difficult and complex, we have a very tough time even explaining to others we didn’t have a choice to journey down the gender path we are on. 

My answer to who I am in reality comes in a large part from my interaction with my partner Liz. When my gender dysphoria is getting me down, she reminds me in so many ways I am so much more of a girl than she is. 

I am also fortunate to have the effects of my hormone replacement therapy to fall back on. When I awake in the morning I have the immediate reality of my hair and breasts reminding me of who I have become. As shallow as at of that may seem, the bottom line is through all of this I am just me.

These days though it’s easier to express me in a truer form in the public’s eye. It’s who I really am.  

It Was Brutal

Smile of a beautiful young woman . Over white background.

 Well, my long delayed trip to the dentist proved to be up to it’s hype. 

To start with, I couldn’t afford a dental surgeon (my insurance wouldn’t cover it.)  So, my only choice was to have a regular dentist do the fun job. The difference in out of pocket expense was approximately four thousand dollars. 

Unfortunately, I knew a little of what to expect because “back in the day” I had an Army Dentist who “tried” to remove my wisdom teeth. Overall it proved also to be a brutal experience. It turns out my teeth have some sort of a cruel twisted root which makes them less than easy to remove. 

I knew I was going to be in for a similar experience when I heard the dentist mutter to his assistant something about curved roots as he went into attack mode. 

The next think I knew I was getting seven shots of Novocain, which turned out to be only the start because the teeth they had to remove happened to be all around my mouth. 

It’s never good too when the dentist tells you he may have to use more painkiller and I may hear teeth breaking as I felt a lot of pressure. But rest assured, he would get them out.

The good news is I love my new teeth and I got my smile back. Along with a bloody lip where he bared down with several of his tools. 

I did my best to take my mind off the whole procedure by imagining what it must have been like not so long ago in the pre-pain killer dental days.

Now the next milestone is to have the sutures out which go from one side of my mouth to the other. And, beginning to eat solid hot food again. 

So I may come out of this with a new smile and a weight loss! 

Patti Harrison

Patti Harrison

From the “Advocate” :

” In the new comedic film Together Together, Harrison portrays Anna, a character attempting to become the surrogate mother for a single man, Matt (Ed Helms). It’s the kind of role that she, as a transgender actress, would love to be cast in more often. And she hopes her hilarious, heartfelt performance sends a message to Hollywood.”

“Harrison has appeared in a variety of productions, from A Simple Favor to Shrill to voice acting in Big Mouth and Disney’s Raya and the Last Dragon. However, Harrison is dismayed by the scripts that usually cross her desk, which tend to be some variation of a “down-on-her-luck trans sex worker” who overcomes the trauma of family rejection to become a “brave ‘yas queen’ girl boss.”

“When people only see you as [your marginalized identity], you’re not getting the same opportunities” as other actors, Harrison noted.”