I need this after a very rare The Ohio State University football loss yesterday. Congratulations Connie!
On the twentieth anniversary of the 9/11 United States terror attacks, it’s important to look back and never forget.
Not only do we need to have to honor the first responders who headed into danger to rescue whomever they could. We need to remember all of those who lost their lives in the World Trade Center, Pentagon and Pennsylvania tragedies.
Then there were all of the Americans who paid the ultimate price in Afghanistan, which included all of those wounded or are still suffering from their roles in yet another thankless war.
Never forget and stay alert to future threats.
This is especially true for any novice transgender or cross dresser trying to succeed in the feminine world:
On occasion I feel as if the term “gender fluid” is a relatively new term. In fact those of us in the more mature age range remember when transvestite was one of the only words we could use to describe ourselves except maybe cross dresser. Then, along the way, the transvestite term was shortened to “tr_nny” which became a gender slur in some parts of the world.
The reason I bring up the gender fluid term in today’s post is I heard it recently from an eleven year old person on national television. They said they didn’t know what gender they were. I quickly flashed back to my youth and knew I felt the same way. In fact, I have written extensively in the past the number of mornings I woke up not wanting to be a boy anymore. On the other hand when I was successful doing “boy” things I enjoyed it. Definitely gender dysphoria at it’s most severe. From a time before gender dysphoria was even a term. Plus, I can’t even imagine having such an understanding and supportive set of parents.
As I grew, served my time in college and the Army I prefer to think I “grew” into the transgender term too and out of being gender fluid. Once I experienced being around other so called heterosexual cross dressers, I learned there was a whole other level of individuals who loosely identified as transvestites. These persons were the impossibly feminine visitors to the mixers I went to. They just didn’t fit. Somehow they were out of place.
Soon I discovered I felt out of place too. I certainly didn’t fit in with the ultra masculine men in a dress crowd and barely tried to hang out with the “A” listers as I called them. I tagged along on the adventures they embarked on after the regular meet ups. I discovered a wonderful world of gay clubs along with the chance to live my life as a feminine being.
All of this decidedly terminated any chance of my gender fluid tendencies but not quite. Even though being feminine felt so natural, going out with friends cross dressed as a man felt good on occasion also. I guess you could say any traces of gender fluidity for me was becoming toxic.
Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer and took advantage of several drastic changes in my life. I put my suicide attempts behind me and started hormone replacement therapy. Which once and for all forced my male self into his closet.
It also ended any lingering ideas of being gender fluid.
I have re-written this post several times as I try to include all of you who are still living in your closets. Finally, I decided to go ahead and publish it because hopefully there will come a day when you too can live freely as your authentic selves. Now, here is the post:
I used to resent quite a few of the transgender women I knew who underwent gender realignment surgery then promptly went stealth. By “stealth” I mean they went away to simply live their lives away from the remainder of the transgender community. Before you say the often irritated and jealous transgender community…I agree. In fact, in many ways, I don’t blame them.
Even so, to a large degree, there were very few trans women and men to follow.. No one to tell us it was perfectly OK to feel and act the way we do.
Over the years, I have battled the urge to go stealth even though for the most part it has been available to me. Much of being able to go stealth has much to do with my partner Liz as it does with me and any so called passing ability. Since I so rarely go anywhere without her, I am so very used to letting her lead the way with calling me the proper pronouns.
Sometimes I wonder if being too invisible as a transgender woman once again is letting the community as a whole down. Or what the subject even means to the average transgender person just trying to get by.
As I try my best not to be too in depth about the topic at hand, recently I had a chance to unfortunately witness yet another ugly episode of transgender infighting. To make a long story short, in the transgender – cross dresser support group I am in (or used to be), a disturbance erupted between two members basically concerning who was more trans than the other.
Once again it seemed to me, the more things change over the years, the more they stay the same. I mean really, what does it mean if a person is more trans than another.
Maybe on the other hand, as a community we should protect the out and proud leaders we have gained such as Laverne Cox.
The more out and proud trans people we have, the more chance we can defeat the evils of the stealth and the invisibility culture.
Out of the many invisible Facebook friends I have, one of the ones who is not and I am absolutely fascinated with is Melonee Malone (no relation to Connie). In addition to being beautiful, she adds uplifting inspirational posts about surviving life as a transgender woman.
On this Labor Day weekend, here is Melonee: on a rainy morning in her native Wisconsin.
No matter where you find yourself in the coming out process, I am fairly sure along the way you may have encountered some resistance to changing genders. Mine came years ago when I was called a pervert in a women’s room I was using. Later on that same evening I was asked to leave the venue all together. From other happenings similar to that, I developed what I call “Transgender PTSD”.(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) On occasion, I still experience it today.
How did I survive? Basically, everytime I had to go through extremely negative experiences, I shed tears and went back to the drawing board and tried to improve my exterior self to match my feminine interior self. It was tough for me because I had very few feminine traits to build on after spending decades perfecting my macho act. Along the way, I still lived in fear of hearing the dreaded “Hey! That’s a man in a dress.”
Gradually I did improve my appearance as I learned to dress for other women and to blend into where ever I was going. An example? If I was going to one of the upscale pub/restaurants I went to socialize I would wear a fancier outfit which would indicate I was a professional woman of some sort. On the other hand, if I was going to meet my lesbian friends at a sports bar we normally went to, I would wear a nice pair of jeans and top. All of a sudden, my life in the cis-world became easier.
When my life really became easier was when I started hormone replacement therapy (HRT). All of a sudden I went to the tipping point of no return. My face and skin started to soften as my hair began to grow along with my breasts. Relatively quickly I reached a very androgynous spot in my life. Finally cross dressing as a guy felt very wrong.
I need to emphasize none of this was easy. I went through terrifying times all the way to feeling euphoric with my progress. Crossing the gender frontier could be a path I could follow after all.
If you are considering following the same path, don’t go it alone. Find a therapist or a gender professional to monitor your bloodwork and hormones. Estrogen can be a good thing until it goes too high and can become toxic.
In the meantime, try to relax and enjoy the ride. Very few humans have the opportunity to experience both of the binary genders up close and personal.
When it happens for you, you too will be a true survivor.
Here in Cincinnati, Ohio in the Southwest part of the state, hurricane Ida remnants have passed on leaving us with beautiful pre-fall weather. I have some sort of genetic malfunction which tells me fall weather is football time.
On top of all of that, one of the baggage items I brought with me from the times I cross dressed as a guy was my love for The Ohio State Buckeyes. I never went to school there but grew up approximately fifty miles away.
When “Trans Ohio” still used to have an in person symposium, I regularly signed up to give a presentation. In it’s later years, the Symposium was held in The Ohio State University huge student union which of course didn’t break my heart.
The Ohio State mascot is “Brutus Buckeye” named after the state tree. One year I had my picture taken sitting next to a life-sized bronze Brutus in the student union.
If you are a Cyrsti’s Condo regular you have seen this picture before, if not I resend it because Ohio State kicks off it’s regular season tonight against Big Ten opponent Minnesota.
Andreja Pejic has always fascinated me as a beautiful androgynous woman who finally came out as transgender some time ago. Years ago I yearned to be just like her.
She was recently recognized as one of the most influential transgender models:
” Now one of the most recognizable transgender models in the world, Bosnian-Australian model Andreja Pejić started her career in the early 2000s as the world’s first completely androgynous supermodel, never conforming to gender norms and walking in both men’s and women’s shows for Jean Paul Gautier and Marc Jacobs.
After undergoing sex reassignment surgery in 2013, Pejić publicly came out as transgender, and has since appeared on the covers of many major fashion magazines. She even forayed into film in the 2018 crime thriller The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”
This came from “Helen Boyd’s” post on Facebook.