Recently I wrote a post concerning the term “passing” and it’s relevance to transgender women and/or cross dressers today. Georgette wrote in with this response:
“I’m not sure the idea of “passing” will ever go away. I see so many on-line posts of Trans People still asking/worrying about it. And it is not just transgender women, many younger trans men are asking the same. The ones that give up and say they will never pass say that’s OK as I will own being a transgender woman. But I wonder if they could pass would they still own being a trans woman.”
First of all, thanks for the comment. In my experience, most all of the transgender women I knew who readily passed, all went stealth and were never heard from again. Of course, my disclaimer is my examples came from “back in the day” when going stealth was the only way to go. In other words, stealth meant being invisible to the public than being anything other than a cis woman.
I have two specific examples of trans women who closely followed each other in their transitions. In fact, I think their genital realignment surgeries came in the same year. Both of them had an advantage in that they had natural feminine tendencies and passed very easily. Yes, I was quite envious as I struggled to work with the qualities I did have to get by Through it all, as I tried to come to grips with my gender identity, I was able to essentially “carve” out my own little niche.
These days, I find myself struggling with going stealth myself. In fact if the truth be known, I am an estimated ninety per cent in the world as a cis woman. When I refer to this, I need to explain for the most part it has little to do with appearance and more to do with confidence. Much of my confidence comes from having Liz by myside. She has my back when/if anyone miss-pronouns me. Ironically, I think we get more public push back from those thinking we are lesbians.
In addition, I have pulled back from most of my participation in the transgender – cross dresser support group I used to be fairly active in. I just don’t feel a part of it anymore. Being a full time participant in a feminine world has eliminated the need to get all dolled up to be with other like minded individuals. If I truly thought I had anything to add, I would go. Many of the other attendee’s are much younger so there is an age gap to consider also.
Still, I do think I carry the stigma with me of wanting to “pass” as a cis woman. Too much time , effort and worry went into during my gender transitional years. I can’t forget also how much the femininization affects of hormone replacement therapy helped me align my inner and outer selves. Finally I learned none of it still matters totally. An example was the Thanksgiving debacle I went through with my daughter’s in laws. My excuse for their miss-gendering was how well I imprinted my maleness on them earlier in my life.
It’s a good question.