Recently I have been writing several posts concerning the interaction between my Halloween adventures and the interactions with my wives (at separate times.)
First of all I had experience with two wives for the stories. The first was much more accepting than the second but both knew about my cross dressing urges before we became married. The problem became more prevalent as I slipped further and further into the realization I was much more than a cross dresser. I wanted to follow the natural urges I was feeling to shove my male self into the closet and live full time as my authentic self.
My second wife used the well worn phrase, she didn’t sign up to be in a relationship with another woman. Plus, a few other phrases I will save for another post.
What happens to the spouse when that happens? Back in the day, I used to take a look at a few blogs which dealt with women who were immersed in relationships with their husbands who suddenly told them they were transgender. Needless to say, the reactions I read from the wives were not positive. Even I was shocked.
I think what we all miss during our Mtf transitions is that cis women have egos also. In many cases a husband figures prominently into her ego. Or, what she did wrong to “drive” her husband into the feminine camp.
As far as I am concerned, I don’t know how I would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and my spouse wanted to complete the difficult journey to another gender. I just know it would be very difficult.
I can understand too how a transgender path could be considered the ultimate in being selfish. After all it is an all encompassing desire to make it to the other side of the gender divide. What happens to a families life, jobs and kids when it happens? It’s so difficult to help another person to understand there is really no choice when you are considering crossing the gender frontier. It is so much more than just dressing as part of the opposite gender. It is life or death.
So, my heart goes out to all the understanding spouses I have been reading about recently. Or even the ones who begrudgingly have come to accept and stay with with their former husbands or wives. Of course the internet has helped with all of that. Positive information abounds on how couples in love have survived their gender journey together.
Taking my local scene as an example. the transgender – cross dresser support group I am part of has recently featured several couples who are successfully staying together. As I wrote, all my positive thoughts go out to the spouses who made it happen.
Equal time! Good job!