Another Look at “Passing”

Recently I received this comment on “passing” from the email from Tami:

“It seems that many have different views on the importance of passing, and I won’t argue that.  To each their own.  I put high value on it however.  Like many, my initial experiences out in public were guarded. My wig was ok, my makeup just ok, outfit not quite right.  Then I matured, the facial hair was 95% removed, and I grew my hair out. 

Already small at 5’9″ and 145 lbs at my heaviest.  My dermatologist helped with a little botox and fillers to feminize my facial cues.  (So supportive too!) I took some voice lessons at U of A in Tucson .  It all just came together for me.
I still go to work as male, push my medium length bob back and play it straight.

At a business lunch with a speaker recently, I sat next to a woman at our table of eight women.  I invited her to lunch a few days afterwards.  She had no clue I was trans and said so, when I mentioned it late into our second meeting.  So I don’t need to be ‘stealth’ but if it happens, I let it.  I could share a dozen more stories that warm my heart given the intimacy, good humor, and kind words that were shared. 

I pass now 99% in any setting, and there isn’t anywhere I won’t go or do confidently.  Friends have said I own the room with my confidence.  I can (and do sometimes), have a bad ‘voice moment’ and leave someone wondering, but never a discouraging word is heard.  Always a compliment!   I always want to be the best ambassador for trans people and it works.  So the icing on the cake (for me), in passing is the total acceptance from others; the many female friends I have developed long and lasting relationships with.  And, sometimes their husbands too.  I had once thought that other women might only see me as a novelty, and their interest would fade.  It hasn’t.  They are remain friends and the circle grows.

So it’s the relationships – normal friends and a social life that makes passing rewarding for me and easy for others to befriend me and stick with me.”

Thanks so much for the comment! I know another local trans girl who is a “natural” and passes easily. Even to the point of being a wonderful karaoke singer (when there was such a thing!) but she still goes to work as her male self. 
To each their own! 

My own story was a little more complex as I was slightly under six feet tall and weighed over 275 lbs  when I started to transition. I then promptly lost fifty pounds. I too though began to rely on my personality and confidence to gain any “passing” privilege I could.

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