Not long ago, I wrote a post on passing privileges. Ironically, recently I have seen another post or two regarding toxic feminism. As I did, I began to look back into my past for examples and I came up with several.
One of which was a pre teen birthday party I went to for my Grand-Daughter and a few of her friends years ago before I came out as transgender. One of the invitee’s was obviously a little social butterfly who was off in her own little world. She seemed to be certain she was the best looking party girl at such a young age. I wondered then why she was even invited.
Then of course were the groups of women I worked with and tried to manage. I learned early how passive aggression worked and how women formed groups of like minded people to get their way. As a manager, once I gained their trust, they tended to be very loyal. I was very successful at passing as a man.
Now it’s time to add in a Connie comment concerning the original post which dealt with blending in being a desired goal of “passing”:
” I do agree that, for me, “blending in” is not really my desired goal. I had always been pretty quiet and rather shy as a man, while my feminine side wants to be much more social and involved. I have often joked that all I really want is to be the most beautiful girl in the room – which is only a joke if I really think that I ever am. Still, I’d much rather shine than blend. I can’t make my feminine appearance be as good as Phaylen’s (highly filtered and possibly photo shopped) pic portrays, but I have learned that there is so much more to “passing” than the way I look. It’s much more about the self-confidence and living in truth. Although it took much longer than it should have, I finally realized that I belong and have every right to be anywhere I choose to be, as does anyone else.
I want to pass as a person (the person I really am) more than an illusion I may have created.”
(The “Phaylen” Connie is responding to is an LGBTQ activist and actress who does have passing privileges’ probably due in part to advanced makeup and photography techniques many of us don’t have access to. See below:)
More Connie: “I suppose that I have some “passing privilege” – at least, I have been told this many times. My dysphoria keeps me from recognizing this allegation, however. Beyond the primary, my secondary (male) sex characteristics add up to be a real challenge for me. Sure, there are cis women who are taller, or with broader shoulders, or with large hands, or with big heads and necks, etc. – but very few of them possess all of them together. Nevertheless, these are things that I do possess, and that I can never change. I have managed to change my attitude, though, and that has gone more toward achieving any passing privilege I have than has anything else.”
Perhaps my emphasis on blending in has to do with my intense interaction with other women over the years. Even though I had to act as if I were a man, I interacted as if I was a woman. My gender dysphoria has told me over the years I couldn’t be the best looking woman in the room and just being perceived as a woman in the room was good enough.
Anything else will have to wait ntil my next life.