Perhaps you remember the “Stealers Wheel” tune…Stuck in the Middle with You.” It seems this could be an appropriate musical anthem to describe a transgender existence.
Let’s take me for instance. This morning when I woke up, I took the time to look in the mirror and promptly said “Boo.” It then occurred to me how different my life has been as I tried for years (and failed) to walk the gender divide. As it turned out, all I was doing was misleading myself. I would have been better off to have followed my transgender leanings years or even decades before. I refused to follow what was natural gender wise for me causing great stress and many problems in my life.
Now though, through the miracle of hormone replacement therapy and the support of people such as my partner Liz along with my daughter Andrea, I have achieved more in my life than I ever thought possible. For every morning when I say “Boo”, there are so many other mornings I am amazed by my breasts, the length of my hair and the softness of my skin.
Even with all of the wonderful changes, it seems I am still stuck in the middle with myself. Perhaps thoughts such as these are what drive transgender women to “go all the way” and undergo genital realignment surgery. Which I have always rejected as an option for myself. I just can’t see such a major costly surgery being worth it at my age along with the committed relationship of nine years I am in.
So I will most likely end my life as I started it. Stuck in the middle with me.