Faking it Till you Make It

I saw this quote on a another blog I follow (Lifesfinewhine) and it started my thought processes on my gender transition. The other blog is written by a cis woman who was detailing how to feel better concerning her/your appearance.Β 

The post brought back to me in a much clearer sense how all women (transgender or not) carry the social stigmas of how they look. A good example is my partner Liz who lost nearly one hundred pounds and still has a hard time escaping ideas of how she appears to the public. There have been several times when other people may be staring at me and she never notices and I am astounded. 

I think much of my remaining paranoia with the public goes back decades ago when I was faking it to making it as a woman. Or, my old cross dressing days before I finally admitted to myself I felt so much more natural in a feminine world. I have detailed several times here in Cyrsti’s Condo the first night I decided to go out and try to exist as a woman and not someone who was dressing up to fool the world. There was a huge difference for me and I was terrified yet excited. 

This is the point I always have to add my disclaimer…being a cross dresser is quite fine. It just wasn’t good enough for me. It was immensely difficult to do but I found myself more and more faking being a man in my life.  

Then again, you have to do what you need to get by. Faking it or not.

2 Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing your experience in more detail! I understand how your partner feels. I grew up chubby and it has really effected me. I have had random people talk to me about my weight and it can be really scarring. Even though I know that I have lost some weight there are still days when I feel big and disgusting and want to run away from myself. I don’t think I will ever fully love myself everyday- I think there will always be days when I hate how I look. But as I mentioned on that post now I focus on the positives and I have actually gotten very close to loving myself almost all the time.

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