Calie’s comment concerning the “No I Can’t Help” post has generated several very in depth responses Today in part due to the length of the responses, I will present one from Michelle today:
“Unfortunately for some of us that, for whatever reason, stay in that limbo between a questioning crossdresser and getting the GRS, lose friends that get to fulfill the dream and desire. I can understand one friend’s reasoning why she cut off all contact since her husband didn’t want her to lose her ability to associate with cis-women they knew (those friends? knew nothing of her background). She was raised by a Mom that allowed her to be the girl she knew she was so her background was more or less that of a normal teenage girl growing up in a rural ranching area. I’ve known several others that have started living full time that have cut themselves off from the trans community out of fear of being “clocked”. One I knew even went so far as to change her full name and moved away.
I sometimes think about these people and wonder how they are doing. I still hurts that they would cut themselves off from me when I was under the impression that we were very close friends. Maybe one day I will understand..”
Thanks for the comment! Certainly, the issue is complex and I don’t pretend to have many of the answers. I do think though too many of the transgender women who end up going deep stealth, simply “grow” away from their previous acquaintances.
I was lucky in that I didn’t have the chance to get too close to the two people I knew who went the distance and had GRS. One of which was so totally feminine I don’t know how she ever existed as a man. But she did, and a successful one at that. She was some sort of an engineer and a accomplished snow skier. I was envious! But we only ended up meeting a couple times.
It was the other person I knew better and wish I had a chance to ask her advice before I cut off all contact. I did have a cross dresser friend who didn’t and according to her they had a rough go of it.
The way I was back in those days, I don’t know if I would have listened to any advice I may have received anyway! I was still in the appearance was everything mode as far as relating to the world as a transgender woman. I was paranoid the person wouldn’t want to be seen with me for fear of being “clocked”also. So I backed out first.
Finally, I think I was too naive concerning what these other cross dressers and transgender people I was meeting had in common with me. Outside of the obvious, not much as I still had a fairly supportive wife who even came to most of the functions with me and they didn’t. So, I had my guards up per norm and I didn’t get too hurt later. Like Michelle and so many others though, I still wonder “what if?” but I was so worried about being told no to my questions.