I love it on the days I don’t have to write a Cyrsti’s Condo post. On occasion it is so difficult to write a daily blog!
Thanks to Connie, we all can enjoy a great post today:
“Transition is a process. The reason I had to engage in the process was that I had gotten to the point where I felt I was a fake, no matter what gender I was showing. Whether I was really an impostor or not could be debated, but I still felt that way when I would jump, back and forth, between being seen as a man or a woman. Ultimately, I chose to be seen as a feminine being who possessed some masculine traits, rather than what I had been fighting most of my life – being the man who was hiding feminine traits behind a more-macho facade. I don’t think I made for a terrible man, but I never could see myself as living up to expectations of what a proper man should be.
There’s a difference between being a gentleman and being a gentle man. I was always happy to be seen as a gentleman, as even the most manly of men could be one. I was never happy when I thought people were perceiving me to be a gentle man, however, as I felt weakened by it. Had I really been secure in my manhood, though, I don’t know that I would have felt that way. My gentleness has always been rooted in my femininity, so I was never going to feel secure about anything as long as I was seen as a man.
Living as a woman for the past few years has finally brought peace, and I am happy to be seen as a woman who possesses some masculine traits. While being seeing seen as a gentle man was disturbing to me, being seen as a strong and capable woman delights me. The advantages that came with my male privilege in the past have helped me to be who I am. The difference, though, is that my transition has caused me to use a different filter – a feminine one. The intuition was always there, but I had been using the wrong filter. Sifting through everything with the proper filter has been my transition, and seeing what comes out the other side is just as it should be (even if I must continue to run much of it back through regularly).”
See, I told you it was a great post!