First of all, I would like to thank Charlotte for her comment to a Cyrsti’s Condo post from last May. The comment was why don’t I just kill myself. The quick answer is I tried that once and happily I failed.
My reality these days revolves basically around my family. And, to a lesser extent the public’s perception of me Examples include a forthcoming trip Wednesday to my grand-daughter’s graduation. Then yesterday we went to a new deli we haven’t been to before. Not much happened except one of the younger guys couldn’t quite seemed to keep his eyes off of me. I can never tell if he was fascinated by me, or managed to figure out I was transgender.
As I have been told a couple times in my life, it isn’t all about me. So, I try to keep that in mind also.
It’s interesting too, since Liz (my partner) has lost nearly 120 pounds, her reality has changed also. She has explained to me she still is a heavy over weight person in her mind and it is hard to shake. I am sure in the dark recesses of my mind, I will always be fearful of presenting as a guy in a dress.
Digging deeper, my latest paranoia revolves around an unanswered phone call I received from my endocrinologist. Now I am worried she is going to want to play around with my estradiol (estrogen)dosage. My reality is I have grown so used to the changes in my body, I don’t want to go back. She, My Doc, has already decreased my “Spriro” which was prescribed to decrease my testosterone. She cut my dosage due to my potassium being too high.
One way or another, I will follow her advice.
Regardless of Charlotte’s advice, I don’t want to kill myself.
It’s my reality!