Not my Mom, if she returned from the great beyond, it would be bigger news. This post is about meeting up with the woman who you might recall, harassed me a couple times about my hair. I made the comment at the time, she reminded me of how my Mom would have approached me.
Fortunately this time, I just had my trip to my hair dresser Friday, so visually I was ready for her.
When Liz and I arrived at the outside shelter house near a nearby lake, it didn’t take her long to approach me. To her credit, she was very positive about my hair which indeed made me feel better about our relationship.
Then, she asked could she tell me something and I thought now what? She paused and said how proud she was of me for living the life I wanted to. I was taken totally off guard. Finally I managed to blurt out the truth…I appreciated her acceptance but my choice didn’t come out of bravery or anything like it. I literally didn’t have the chance to be brave, it was either change my life or lose it.
A day later as I look back on her comment though, I feel now as if I finally found a sense of peace with my long deceased Mom. Whose approval is what I really wanted.
An acquaintance of mine on Facebook (Joni/above) recently wrote a post concerning an encounter she had with a cis female friend who all of the sudden “slipped” up and called her by the correct pronouns which I assume was different because how Joni responded to it.
She (Joni) responded the whole process just seemed to take a while with her friend to actually transition with her.
I believe there are multiple transitions involved with something as complex as a human gender change. Personally, I think I can recall of at least one major transition when I went from being what I referred to as a cross dresser to a fully out in the world transgender woman.
Unfortunately, we lose sight of how hard it is for others around us to make the transition also. Once again, n my case, I will use my brother as an example. He told me he would always know me and refer to me as my old self. Shortly after that I ended up moving away and we never pursued my gender change any further. On occasion, I do feel guilty I didn’t give him the chance to try to transition with me.
So, as we proceed down this very complex and long journey, we find there is no easy answer to the amount of transitions we go through. Some transgender women go down the surgical path to what they consider “the final solution” then again, some don’t.
Along the way, somehow we have to consider those making the transition with us. Some never make the journey for what ever reason but some do. Making room for those that do is the essence of being an understanding transgender woman. It’s exceedingly hard to do on such an often lonely path we didn’t choose to accept but somehow find away to exist with. The whole process has a tendency to make us seem selfish.
As you can see from the picture, Joni has transitioned well. To my knowledge she hasn’t had any surgery but has been on HRT for several years. Congratulations on others around her accepting for her true self!
As I perhaps have pointed out, there is another “social” scheduled for Thursday night in one of the local seafood restaurants. The event is hosted by the transgender – cross dresser group I am part of. The group also has support group meetings which are still virtual and I have not attended recently.
So far it looks as if I will be attending by myself as Liz most likely will have to work over.
I am looking forward to getting out of the house again and casually dressing up as I have dinner. I am slightly different than more than a few of the others because I don’t have to go all out to impress anyone in the group. I am planning to wear my favorite form fitting patterned tank top along with a pair of my khaki culottes and black flats. I am going to pull my hair back into a flowing mane and wear a pair of dangling ear-rings to get about as dressed up as I get. As much as I don’t really care about the group, I do care about how the public perceives me.
The venue is slightly upscale so I feel, I should be too.
The picture is not what I am wearing but does show approximately how far hormone replacement therapy has changed me. Back then the hair was a wig and the rest was padding. Now it is all me.
Recently, I mentioned briefly about finally getting my application to the “Transgender Writer’s Association” approved. The hold up was the email mix up between my CyrstiH@Yahoo.com old email and my newer Jessie751 email which is under my legal name. One it was resolved and they figured out I was a real person, the application went through.
Then I found I wasn’t finished. There is a sight called “Slack” which asked me to join too. Turns out it is also a group of transgender orientated writers asking for input.
Also, Google has announced it is doing away with it’s “Feedburner” subscription service. Not to worry I guess because I received an email yesterday from a new service seeking to add all of Googles’ former customers.
Of course it turns out there are extra steps I need to take also to make sure it happens correctly.
Nina Humphrey from the “Credit Card. Com” website managed to navigate the confusing process of choosing between my two names and emails to reach me.
The problem is years ago when I completed my legal name change, I added another email with that name. With the time and effort I had spent over the years to build the Cyrsti’s Condo transgender blog, I didn’t want to start all over again. So on occasion, I encounter confusion when people try to reach me on the other email. An example was when I was accepted into the Trans Journalist Association. Emma needed to reach out on both emails to confirm my identity. FYI, I am really excited to be part of the Association!
Now, back to Nina. Here is part of what she wrote and a link to go to for more information:
We understand transgender individuals can transition without surgery or medical procedures by changing their clothing, pronouns, name and gender presentation. But money can often be a barrier for transgender folks, and getting accurate information about the costs of transitioning can be a hurdle in and of itself.
For those who do wish to get surgery, the costs vary significantly depending on details like insurance coverage and location. We created a guide to help transgender Americans by providing expert advice on:
“It’s important to us that the LGBTQ+ community has the protection and support it deserves. Which is why we want to do our part and share valuable information that benefits both the LGBTQ+ community and its allies. I recently came across your page and I wanted to share our resource which I thought would be a valuable addition to your page”
Most certainly, finances are always a major factor when considering major gender surgeries. Thanks Nina, for your information.
“Daniela Vega received critical acclaim for her performance in A Fantastic Woman as young trans woman Marina, a singer and waitress in Santiago whose older boyfriend dies unexpectedly. With its win for Best Foreign Language Film, A Fantastic Woman made history as the first Academy Award-winning film to feature a transgender storyline with an openly transgender actor in the lead role.
In 2018, Vega also became the first transgender person to present at the prestigious ceremony. In an interview with The Guardian, Vega said of the relationship between the transgender community and the Republican Party (trust us when we say, it’s a finger-wagging moment): “It actually gives me a physical pleasure to annoy conservatives. I don’t have to be violent, I don’t have to insult anyone – my mere existence shakes those people up.”
The transgender – cross dresser local group Liz and I are members of have decided to open the doors again to a rather aggressive social schedule.
I think it is time to venture out if people have been vaccinated so I have no problem with doing it.
Saturday is the first social get together in public, followed by an on line support group meeting on Monday and yet another public social next Thursday.
With everyone being so tired of staying home for so long, more than likely all events will be well attended.
The socials are a very good idea for experienced and novice transgender women of all kinds. Most importantly, the venues know we are coming and provide a safe space. Very simply, it is a chance to get out in the public’s eye and try out fitting in in the feminine world.
The best part is so far, everyone has not embarrassed the group by doing something decidedly ignorant.
Even though we will not be attending Saturday nights social, it’s a very good chance I will be at the other two. If you happen to be in the metro Cincinnati, Ohio area and need information, let me know.
Jari Jones is an actress, model, and LGBTQ+ advocate. Last year, she was one of nine models featured in an advertisement for Calvin Klein in New York City. The brand’s 2020 Pride campaign #PROUDINMYCALVINS, was a huge accomplishment. In an Instagram post she wrote, “It has been such an honor and pleasure to sit in my most authentic self and present imagery of a body that far to often has been demonized, harassed, made to feel ugly and unworthy and even killed.”
The area in and around Cincinnati, Ohio is well known for it’s historical connections in aiding runaway slaves during the Underground Railroad days preceding the Civil War.
In 2015, Liz and I toured the “Rankin House” near Ripley, Ohio east of Cincinnati when I was more mobile. The picture above was taken facing the Ohio River which flows downhill from the historic house. Known for it’s success in helping runaway slaves escape.
Afterwards we crossed the Ohio on a small ferry boat and ate lunch in historic Augusta, Kentucky, the home of George Clooney.
It was a relaxing day and one to remember because my transgender transition was still so new and scary as well as being exciting. The day went well, and no, we didn’t see George.
It turns out, my posts objecting to the domination of drag queens in more than a few of the LGBT Pride events elicited several wonderful comments on the three platforms I am writing on now (Blogger, WordPress and Medium).
Here is one from Michelle:
” I have to say that you might be a bit wrong about the Queens doing nothing for the community. Connie is right about how most trans women just want to blend in but the Queens help to off set attention so that we can blend in without too much trouble. You have to remember that it was the Queens and gays of the Stonewall riots that brought the subject of trans into the open. That one incident helps so many find that they were not alone in the world.Yes, Queens are know for looking and acting over the top but one has to remember that they are like that because they are entertainers if nothing else. I also know that many of them don’t always dress or act outlandish all the time. Many try to wear “normal” everyday wear most of the time. Unfortunately many still end up wearing the heavy makeup to help hide the male flaws.
Raquel Willis is an African American writer, editor, and transgender rights activist. She is a former national organizer for the Transgender Law Center, the former executive editor of Out magazine, and currently serves as the Director of Communications for the Ms. Foundation for Women
I read lots of books, from mythology retellings to literary fiction and I love to reread books from childhood, this is a place to voice my thoughts for fun. I also like to ramble about things such as art or nature every now and again.