Not my Mom, if she returned from the great beyond, it would be bigger news. This post is about meeting up with the woman who you might recall, harassed me a couple times about my hair. I made the comment at the time, she reminded me of how my Mom would have approached me.
Fortunately this time, I just had my trip to my hair dresser Friday, so visually I was ready for her.
When Liz and I arrived at the outside shelter house near a nearby lake, it didn’t take her long to approach me. To her credit, she was very positive about my hair which indeed made me feel better about our relationship.
Then, she asked could she tell me something and I thought now what? She paused and said how proud she was of me for living the life I wanted to. I was taken totally off guard. Finally I managed to blurt out the truth…I appreciated her acceptance but my choice didn’t come out of bravery or anything like it. I literally didn’t have the chance to be brave, it was either change my life or lose it.
A day later as I look back on her comment though, I feel now as if I finally found a sense of peace with my long deceased Mom. Whose approval is what I really wanted.
This is actually a two part post combined into one because it involves a similar topic.
As I began to become more comfortable in going out on Halloween in feminine attire, I decided to try my good fortune by going to large so called straight venues. In my mind to do it correctly I had to go by myself without my wife.
The first time I tried it was with my first wife who was very vanilla and didn’t really seem to care. I often thought I could tell her I was going out for gender realignment surgery and she would not care. At any rate, as Halloween approached that year, I had already made up my mind I was going to the biggest venue in town as a woman and see what happened.
My “costume” was all in black with a tight sweater, mini skirt, black tights and blonde straight wig. All topped off with a black beret. The whole outfit worked well as people I thought I knew merely passed me off as another costumed Halloween person. However, all of it came to a halt when a person in a full mask stopped to see me and said he knew who I was. I was floored! How could anyone see through my elaborate “costume”? Finally I said how did he know me and he said I looked exactly like my Mother. It turns out he was a childhood friend who knew my Mom. Turned out later he was a notorious transphobe who made extremely derogatory comments about me behind my back. But that’s another story.
Other than him, the night I thought went well and I enjoyed myself immensely. What I was discovering though was how natural I felt when I dressed in feminine mode and interacted with the public.
The second part of this post deals with another experience I had when I was away from home training managers for a company I worked for. This one occurred with my second wife who also knew I cross dressed but was much more strict about my comings and goings.
Once I found out I was scheduled for a training seminar in a city I had to overnight in for a couple of days over Halloween, all I really had to do was figure out how to sneak a “costume” out of the house for the evening along with all my work clothes of course. With a little creative packing I was able to pack what I needed.
For the evening I basically had the same objective. Dress to blend with the other women at the venue in their Halloween costumes. I found a tight, short faux leather skirt and top, added fish nets, heels and heavy make up with a blond wig and off I went.
Much like the first night, all went well except for a few unwanted butt feel ups. All to quickly as I always say, it was back to being my same boring guy self. The only problem this time was I had to chase my gender euphoric fog in a hurry. The very next morning I had to teach a class at 8 AM. I made it time wise after triple checking I removed all the makeup from the night before.
While I certainly wasn’t the “belle” of either ball, I still had a great time!
Georgette as well as others responded to my Halloween “Political Connection” post here on Cyrsti’s Condo. Thanks very much and here is another experience from Halloween a couple years later.
At this time in my life, my second wife and I recently married and moved from our native Ohio to the New York City metro area. I left my fast food job for a better offer.
As it turns out my second wife who knew of my cross dressing desires before saying yes to my marriage proposal kept closer track of me. Especially when it came to going out by myself cross dressed. I only bring this up because this all happened in the early 1980’s and my memory doesn’t go back that far on many issues.
At any rate, one of my female assistant managers was having a Halloween party with her and a few friends. I really didn’t know the wonderful experience I was about to begin as she invited me along.
This Halloween I chose an in between “costume” idea. I would wear one of my shortest dresses and accessorize it with heels, jewelry and big hair so popular in those days. Of course my wife did not approve but I thought I looked great.
Out the door I went and met at a pre set up location, where I would meet the other party goers. I was amazed when I discovered the other attendees were all cis women and were dressed similar to me. When I walked in to the living room where they were all waiting, you could have heard a pin drop as they looked me over head to toe. The reactions were priceless when they found out the truth about me. What made the whole experience so priceless also was the fact they were all almost as tall as I was.
It was quickly time to leave and I didn’t even know where I was going with this group of women. My skill in walking in heels was put to the test when I learned we were walking the short distance down the block to a neighborhood bar which was having the party. As we walked, I tried to hold my head up and walk with as much pride as the women. After all, this was my first “girl’s night out” like it or not.
Amazingly to me, no one in the bar paid me much attention, assuming I blended in so well with the other women I was with.
After a while though, they drifted away from me and I was left with my drink and an elderly man who kept trying to get me to dance.
All too soon it was time to head back again to my boring male world. The only problem this time was going out to the Halloween party with one of my assistant managers cross dressed could have potential consequences. Fortunately, all I experienced were the comments which said how good I looked. Perhaps a little too good for a supposed “casual” costume.
The only real downside turned out to being the gender euphoria rush which was hell coming down from and the fights with my wife which ensued. The only saving grace was I knew there were transvestite mixers nearby I could attend.
I wouldn’t have to wait for another Halloween to test the public and see if I could at least make it appearance wise in a feminine world.
As Halloween rapidly approaches, as promised, I thought I would share several closet opening experiences I went through. These experiences were instrumental n helping me to gain courage to pursue a life in the feminine world.
The experiences are not in chronological order and this one actually occurred a couple years after my earliest attempts at going out as a woman on Halloween.
As it turned out, a friend of mine owned a huge spooky Victorian mansion and was going to have a fairly exclusive Halloween party. I was a fairly well known radio DJ and somehow made the cut for an invitation, along with one of the news girls.
Since this wasn’t my first Halloween rodeo dressing as my true self, I deiced to steer clear of my previous “slutty” costumes and try to dress as a cis woman to see what would happen.
To make a long story short, I had a great time. I ended up going with the news person somehow instead of my wife. One of the few times she left me unattended. It was first page news when the news girl saw my “costume” all the way down to my freshly shaven legs. It turned out the evening was only going to get better.
The party was well attended and everyone I encountered remarked how “real” I looked, especially one of the area’s up and coming politicians and his wife. They wouldn’t leave me alone, all the way to inviting me to come along with them to another party they were attending. Since I didn’t drive myself that night, I said no and decided to go back with the news person who drove to the party.
Needless to say, the whole experience was a prime case of gender euphoria for me. At the least, I found I could present in the world as a feminine person. The down side came the next day when I had to return to my boring male world. Except for questions at work about my so called “costume”
I will always wonder though what would have happened if I had left with the political couple and went to another party. Also, unfortunately I have no pictures. It was a long time ago in the late 1970’s.
I did pass along a close replica of how the house looked.
Over the years I have certainly posted here in Cyrsti’s Condo concerning my battles with gender dysphoria. However, I can’t ever remember writing about gender euphoria.
The reason I bring it up comes from an experience I had yesterday at the auto repair shop. Along the way I have never totally gotten over my internal fears of going unattended to a male dominated business such as a auto repair shop.
Yesterday though, my fears (and gender dysphoria) were quickly put to rest when the male clerk said “Can I help you Mam” From there I checked my car in and waited for my oil change to be completed.
From the opening comment on, for the rest of the day, I took advantage of an all to brief wave of gender euphoria.
As I started to look back in my my life, I really did have more than several euphoric moments as I went on an exciting yet terrifying journey to living as my authentic gender self. From the earliest days as a kid staring into a mirror at the feminine girl looking back at me, all the way to the occasions at lesbian mixers when I was approached and flirted with. When my two lesbian friends couldn’t seem to generate any interest.
As I look back at my life also, I see the times of gender euphoria coming along often just at the right times which I needed to keep moving along. All the times when I was sent home crying due to cruel comments and harassments. Of course too, as I mentioned in a recent post, there was the physical gender euphoria which came with my hormone replacement therapy.
I could write another post (or two) on episodes of euphoria which encouraged me to keep going down the path to living full time as a transgender woman. Many of them revolved around Halloween, which I will try to write about before the holiday is upon us.
In the meantime, the only words of wisdom I may try to come up with is, try to feel and cherish any incidents of gender euphoria you may have. They could keep you going.
I received several comments concerning my post “Revoked” which centered around being ignored as a woman.
The first comes from Connie: “It’s OK for a woman to be assertive. She may be perceived to be a bitch in doing so, but if it’s by someone being paid to do a job, I don’t care what they may think of me. Arguing with the worker probably wouldn’t get the desired results, anyway. Of course, calling a manager labels a woman as a “Karen” these days. Still, these are people who will, most likely, never be seen again. There is also the matter of ageism that plays out in getting decent service oftentimes. I’d have to believe that a delivery man would bend over backward for a young woman for just her smile. Older people are seen as being easier to take advantage of.” So true! Age does factor in! Thanks for the comment. The second comes from Michelle:
“It is “HELL” when you are treated like you don’t know any better than the clowns that take it for grant it that as a woman you may know more than they think. I sometimes revert to dressing down to look somewhat manly when we have a repairman show up just so we are not taken advantage of. After they leave my, partner just sits there laughing at my shenanigans’.
I’m fortunate in that my partner picks up the slack in some of the more intense situations. Thanks for the comment!
Every Tuesday and Friday during the week I change out my Estradiol patches.
Over the years I have come to accept my femininizing meds as the most important medication I take except my bi-polar meds.
Approximately eight years ago I started down the hormone replacement therapy path. I began with a doctor who prescribed minimum doses until we could see how my body adapted. Other than a six month stoppage due to another health problem, I have been on the femininizing meds ever since.
Every once in awhile I do write about the changes here in Cyrsti’s Condo but I try not to because results vary so completely among users. Plus, since I have such a difficult time remembering last week, recalling exact times and dates of HRT changes are difficult to come up with.
I do have several thoughts on the timings to pass along, although your results could vary. First of all, make certain you have a medical professional to monitor your dosage. Estrogen is a powerful drug and abuse can cause you health problems.
Now, lets get back to the matter at hand. Most likely since I was in my early sixties when I started, changes didn’t take long to appear. My natural supply of testosterone was on the way down anyhow. What I remember most was how my breasts started to change, along with my emotions it seemed. I prefer to describe the whole experience as my world was suddenly softening. I rediscovered long hidden emotions which went all the way to experiencing hot flashes which didn’t do me any good when I discovered I was cold all the time and women weren’t just making it up.
I was fortunate in that I inherited a full head of hair which started to grow longer and thicker with HRT. Body hair started to thin except for my beard which had never been very thick to start with. All of this went along with skin softening. Amazingly, my appearance took on a more feminine look with new softer lines.
One other thing which never changed was my voice. Along the way I did try vocal lessons but wasn’t really satisfied with the results.
As I look back on all the years I experienced on hormone replacement therapy, I am so thankful my body was able to accept the changes it went through.
Every patch day, I pause and thank the Goddess for her help in guiding me down a path not many humans experience. All of which is dependent of my little patches. Then again, I have an appointment coming up next week with my Endocrinologist, she holds the ultimate future of my journey in her hands.
In many ways I feel the patches have provided me with an exciting yet terrifying magic carpet ride.
This morning my partner Liz and I had a new refrigerator delivered and it was a clown show.
First of all, the refrigerator was damaged. Since our hands were tied and we needed cooling for our food of course, we have to wait two more days for another unit. So we accepted the one which was delivered.
The clowns who delivered it weren’t done though. We paid extra for them to take the old refrigerator away and they left it. When questioned, they said they couldn’t get it past the gate the new one just came through.
I just couldn’t accept the fact the whole process would have been different if there would have been a “man” in the house. I felt helpless to provide much backing.
I know “back in the day” as a guy I could have made a difference. Overall, I still wouldn’t trade where I am.
I knew going into my transgender transition, losing my male privilege’s would be the most difficult part.